Something's Missing

Today, something different.

Just a collection of thoughts and feelings. No hidden agenda, no point of view - nothing just what's going through my mind at present.

I feel so alone today.

Don't know why, but I feel so lonely and alone. After 3 days of spending time visiting my close friends, today seems like an anti-climax. Work was busy as always and coming home to unwind was something I was looking forward to. Yet barely an hour home, I just didn't want to be here.

I went through my phonebook and every friend that was listed in there, I simply did not want to see or talk to. Online, even the regulars in the chatroom, I simply didn't have the inclination to chat.

Normally, when I have felt this way in the past, I would head for the beach. But even that today failed to pull me out of this mood. Two hours of driving around Adelaide, walking along the beach, had no impact on how I feel.

Why do I feel like this today? Is it because summer is only around the corner? Is it because all my friends [with the exception of two] are all partnered off? Is it because I am longing for something or someone, but it's simply not there? Why do I feel so "empty" inside?

Maybe I just need someone to hug for a while, who won't ask "what's wrong", won't question my mood, won't sit there and tell me their own problems.

I don't know. All I know is that tonight I am alone and am lonely.

That's all.

Aljazeera - The Phantom Menace

We often hear of politicians and people talking about freedom of the press and the right to voice our opinions. Here in the West, we have a vast variety of sources from which we can obtain our news and information, whether it be newspapers, magazines, radio or television, not to mention the net.

Yet I wonder how accurate the news and information we receive every day, actually is. Here in Adelaide, our two local newspapers are owned and run by News Corp. The commercial TV stations are run by the three powerful networks which control most of the TV stations across the country. The same, but to a lesser extent, are our radio stations which are part of national networks. The only independent TV stations we have in Australia are the ABC and SBS networks, which are government owned but independently run [similar to the way the BBC is managed]. Our radio stations are in a slightly better situation with a higher number of them independently owned.

Yet their news feeds all come from a small group of sources like CNN, BBC, AP etc, and the vast majority of those sources are either US or UK based.

Years ago, I used to do volunteer work for a local community radio station as a weekly current affairs news reader. We used to sit down on Friday, read and edit the dispatches we received overnight from SBS [which they sent to us unedited], record the show and place it on air Monday morning. By the time our show would go to air, the news was already a week old. These same stories would appear as "news" in the local media up to a week after we broadcast them. On many occasions, what the news feed reported and what was published by the mainstream media was totally different.

Through this experience, I begun to source my news direct from overseas either by tuning in to overseas radio stations or picking up overseas newspapers. When I finally got internet access, I sourced my news through the overseas media websites. My fascination with what's happening around the world was fuelled by my political involvement, which at the time was a major part of my life.

Today, I don't bother reading the local papers or watching the news. My information is sourced from Google News, which links to over 4000 media sources worldwide. From there, I choose the stories that interest me and read the articles from various international media outlets. It still amazes me on how different outlets report the same event but change it to suit their needs.

Which takes me to the point of this article.

In 1996, the tiny Arab state of Qatar established a media company called Aljazeera. Unlike other Middle Eastern media outlets, Aljazeera was given total independence as to what and how it reported its news. This in itself, was unique for the Middle East where the media is strictly controlled by the government. This editorial independence has seen Aljazeera break not only news stories that other Middle Eastern media wouldn't show, but also taken on issues which has earned them the ire of the West and the Arab world. Further, this independence has made it the number one media source that people in the Middle East rely on, similar to the way we Westerners view the BBC. Today, Aljazeera is the fifth most recognised brand in the world [similar to Google and Apple].

Aljazeera is seen by many as being anti-western, anti-American purely because it doesn't tow the line of how the West perceives the news should be reported. Why? Mainly because Aljazeera has in the past broadcast events from a different perspective which contradicted the Western "view". Events like when the US was overthrowing Saddam Hussein and was the telling the world that they had secured locations, Aljazeera reporters were beaming live reports of fighting still occuring in these places. Or more notoriously, broadcasting Bin Laden tapes without [from the US perspective] getting "approval" for them.

This "view" of Aljazeera in the west, has this week resulted in the BBC announcing that it is cancelling 10 other services so as to launch an Arabic station to "win the hearts and minds" of the Arab world, and go head-to-head with Aljazeera. The USA tried this with their version of Aljazeera and failed, and personally I can not see the BBC achieving its goal either.

Aljazeera might be Arabic in origin and funded by the bottomless money pit of the Omar of Qatar, but the staff that run Aljazeera are actually ex-BBC staff who used to work for the now defunct Arabic channel the BBC used to own in the early 1990s.

If one takes the time to actually read the reports coming out of Aljazeera and match them with those from the BBC or the Washington Post [to name a couple], Aljazeera's reporting is much the same. They aren't a radical Arabic network hellbent on being anti-Western, they simply report the news the rest of the world reports, but from an Arabic perspective. Similar to how an Australian network broadcasts a news report from an Australian view.

Personally, the view expressed by certain Western leaders and media about Aljazeera, is inaccurate and politically driven. In one respect, I personally am grateful that stations like Aljazeera do exist because they can go out and report the news from an alternative perspective, without having to bow to Governments or media moguls like the Murdochs, Packers and Turners of the world.

Today, my news comes from Google News' 4000+ feeds, but my bookmarks include not only the BBC, Washington Post, ABC [Australia] and The Gaurdian, but also Pravda, Athens News Agency, Xinhuanet and Aljazeera.

The media is there to provide accurate information as to what is happening out there in the world. The best way for anyone to be informed is to source the news from various outlets and read the alternative perspectives given. For this reason, Aljazeera is not the phantom menace that certain western governments portray them to be. They, like every other media outlet, simply provide an alternative view of events, and it's up to us to decide whether we believe or disbelieve what they report.

It's called "making your own mind up" and "independent thinking". And I for one, will decide what I read and where I read it. Not what a politician tells me to do.

Gay And Proud Of It

Ok, in case no one out there knows, I have a secret to tell.

Shhh! Don’t tell anyone but I am gay!!

Yup – you got it. I sleep with other guys, not women. In fact women do absolutely nothing for me sexually. They may be great company, help out with the cooking or shopping, catch a movie, or go man hunting together, but that’s where my interest in them ends. Want to go to bed with me? Well yeah no probs, but only if you are a guy.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not ‘anti-woman’, its just I don’t want to sleep with any of them. Not that I haven’t gone down that path back at university.

I like the look of men, the smell of men, and the feel of men. There is something about men that makes me hard and turns me on. There’s nothing like picking up another guy, spending the night together, and waking up in the morning to feel their 5 o‘clock shadow on their face.

Men for me are easy to talk to. You don’t have to try and ‘interpret’ what they are saying or wanting. If a man wants a beer, he asks for a beer. If he wants to try a new position he saw on the porno tape last night, he will say so. If they see a shirt they like, they buy it, and rarely do they go home and decide they no longer like it.

A woman on the other hand [and this is generalising obviously], is totally different. For a start, their brains work on a different wavelength than ours. If they ask for a beer, then buy her champagne because that’s what she really wants. Nine out of ten times, the outfit she bought will not be the right one once she gets home. The other one was better.

So what brought this on you may ask?

An interesting situation arose last week at work. One of the girls I know propositioned me! It wasn’t the fact that she was a girl, or that she propositioned me, but what took me by surprise is that she didn’t know I was gay! My sexuality is well known at work, and it is something I don’t hide. Not that I run around saying “hey, I am GAY”, but if someone asks me, I give them an honest answer. A lot of the girls ask me to check out the “new guy” and whether he is straight or gay. And some of the staff in our training department always call around with “a friend of yours is in training” when a new gay guy joins the company.

But with this girl – Jackie [and not her real name] – she honestly did not know I was gay, even though we work on the same shift and generally have been having smokos together for the last year. At first I thought she was joking, but when she started giving me her home number and address, I was thrown. And THAT does not happen very often. Me and speechless does not go hand-in-hand, but that is exactly what I was – speechless.

I was rescued from this embarrassing situation when Margaret – one of my co-workers who has known I am gay for a few years – came up and asked if I wanted to go “man hunting” this weekend. My reply to her was “if I can have him first” brought a shocked look on Jackie’s face as it dawned on her that I wasn’t straight. The shock then turned to embarrassment for her as she realised what she had actually done. To save her further embarrassment [and to myself], I told her that coffee would be great, and that we should organise it sometime.

This situation [which has happened on a number of other occasions] makes me wonder about women. Women are supposed to be the more sensitive and ‘in tune’ with their feelings, and generally are the ones that can pick a gay guy, than men are. So how is it they can sometimes be so blind?

I am so glad that I am gay; at least my gaydar works 99.99% of the time. Any yep, that masculine scent still is the only thing that turns me on. Sorry ladies, but I am gay and proud of it.

James

Dreams

This won't be a big article, just a collection of thoughts about these wierd dreams I am having.

Since the beginning of last week, I have been having the most unusual dreams. Don't ask me why for I don't know, however each night the dream is different yet the same. In each one, the same four people are present - one a close friend, the other two are acquaintances [who I prefer not to know], with the fourth person being myself.

In each dream, the location is the same - a country town I have never been to. The conversations and surroundings are different, yet by the same token, the subject matter is always the same. In each of my dreams, it's always a warm summer day when my friend and I arrive, gets colder as the day progresses, and then reverts to being warm again prior to us leaving.

In my dreams, the meeting starts off with a lot of anger and hostility from the other two, nearly resulting into a fight, yet somehow diffuses itself. Not because of any interferance from outsiders, but through questions that I seem to raise. Issues that seem to have been harbouring amongst the four of us, which remain unresolved.

Why am I dreaming of this? Is my subconscious saying that I have issues that need resolving? Issues that need to be finalised before I progress to the next step? And why, all of a sudden, do I start to have these dreams over something that is long gone? An event that is no longer relevant? Or, is it relevant and I am simply pushing it aside? Why do I need to make the other two understand? Why is it so important?

Why, in each dream, do I have to justify why I do things? Why do I have to show their own inadequacies so as to justify my actions? Why, at the end of each dream, we leave knowing its the last time we will see them? And yet, our departure is also one of a new beginning? And for that matter, what is the new beginning?

I am so confused. I hate dreams at the best of times, but having dreams night in night out, with the same people, same discussions, same resolution, makes me wonder why.

Dont Ask, Dont Tell, Big Deal!

The United States never seems to surprise me in their naviety and sometimes narrowminded view on issues. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-American, however I do sometimes sit back and wonder about them.

Take for example the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding gays in the military. If you are gay but you don't tell anyone, then the US Defence forces welcome you with open arms. They'll train you, send you overseas to fight, promote you, and even pin medals on you for being a brilliant soldier serving the needs of the country. But let anyone know, and you are discharged because you are seen as a threat to the military cohesion.

I, for one, can not get my head around that. Seriously, it's beyond comprehension! Like, what is the US Defence afraid of? That if I was openly gay and in the army, I would drop my rifle in the middle of a battle, to have sex with that cute 6-packed blonde soldier fighting next to me? [Hmm, there's a thought]. Or that if I was caught by the enemy, I would not be mentally strong enough and reveal defence secrets? Or worse still, I will eventually convert the straight military boys into young "queens" and leave the country defended by men who wear skirts, swing glomesh handbags, sip champagne and have running mascara because they cried over a broken finger nail?

Oh please!

One needs only look internationally to places like the UK and Australia, where gays are not descriminated against, to see that having openly-gay military personnel is no threat. Here in Australia, the Australian Defence Forces are now extending the same rights and privileges to gay military couples as what is offered to straight couples. Openly gay people have been accepted into the Australian defence forces for 13 years now with no adverse impact on it's capability of defending the country and fighting overseas.

Being gay is no threat to the US Defence forces and their cohesion. The defence department accepts gay people if they are closeted, so why not accept them when they are open as to what their sexual preference is?

When are they going to realise that the difference between gay and straight people is simply who we sleep with? And thats the only difference. It has nothing to do with our ability to work, play or fight. A gay soldier is just as likely to go AWOL or divulge defence secrets when captured, as is a straight soldier.

Drag yourself into the 21st century America and leave the naive Dark Ages mentality where it belongs.

Enough said. Off to work I go!

Is Rupert Murdoch About To Lose Control of News Corp?

One of the most fascinating things about humanity is it's ability to ignore it's past and learn from the mistakes. This is especially true in business and one only needs to look no further than the 1980s and 1990s to see companies rise and fall through their greed and lack of planning. Companies like Exxon, BondCorp and Qintex - just to name a few.

One of the biggest success stories to come out of Adelaide - and Australia for that matter - is Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. From it's minor beginnings back in 1952 when he inheritted the "News" and "Sunday Mail" newspapers in Adelaide, Rupert turned his small company into one of the largest media conglomerates in the world half a century later. His insatiable appetite for more and more power has made Rupert and his company into a media and political power to be reckoned with.

However, this is where the issue arises. Has Rupert, in his search for more wealth and power, driven him into a position of losing control of his own company?

The Murdoch family control 30% of News Corp, making them the largest shareholders in the company. Whilst based in Adelaide [Australia], Rupert was able to run the company as if it was his personal business. What Rupert wanted, Rupert got and very very few people and shareholders here in Australia would even consider challenging him. However, Rupert and News Corp begun to run into a tricky situation.

Expansion was becoming restricted as the world's biggest prize - the USA media market - considered News Corp as a "foreign" company. His decision to move News Corp's headquarters from Adelaide to Delaware in the USA, thus becoming a USA company, was made to allow him to expand his media interests.

All fine and good to this stage. But this is where the problem arises and the issues of Rupert losing control of News Corp comes into play.

Whilst News Corp was based in Australia, the company was "the big fish in the little pond" and was protected by Australia's foreign ownership laws and a compliant shareholder base. However, relocating to the USA, News Corp is now playing in an environment where other media companies [like John Malone's Liberty Media which owns 17% of News Corp] are just as big if not bigger than News Corp.

Further, the USA shareholders are not so "accommodating" to Rupert's style of leadership, thus the legal proceedings against Rupert and News Corp by disgruntled shareholders over the so-called "poison pill" issue. And there are already rumblings by some major shareholders to try and ensure that the News Corp board is made up of predominantly "independent" directors.

Personally, I think this is the beginning of a very turbulent period for Rupert Murdoch and his family. His style of management is not conducive to what the USA considers "appropriate", and this will eventually see him lose his position.

Shareholders like Liberty Media do not need to increase their shareholdings in News Corp to overthrow Rupert. They simply need to combine their votes to elect a replacement, for the Murdoch family only controls 30% - the remaining 70% is owned by other shareholders.

Maybe Rupert should have listened to his son Lachlan, and not moved News Corp to Delaware. Time will tell but somehow I can not see News Corp being run by Rupert Murdoch [or any Murdoch for that matter] five years from now.

James

Slavery In Modern Society

The United Nations has passed resolutions against slavery. The vast majority of nations have also anti-slavery laws in place, and the world crawls into bed each night content with the thought that slavery no longer exists on this planet.

And yet, a form of slavery does exist today. A slavery which in most cases, one that is self-imposed upon one's self.

In the gay community, and to a lesser extent the general community, the Master-Slave role has been in existence for centuries. Originally the Master would "buy" the slave and use him for his own needs. As slavery at the time was normal, the role of Master-Slave took on the normal and the erotic aspect. In today's society though where slavery is not only illegal but also frown upon, the role of Master-Slave is more of the erotic side.

A friend of mine [Gus] who has dabbled in the Master-Slave role, and who has connections within this subculture, says that it is widely practiced within our community. A quick look through the personals section of our community newspapers and in the chat rooms, one often sees profiles and ads like "Slave available 24/7" and "Master seeking Slave". Most of us look at them, chuckle, and move on. Yet for these people, the role of Master-Slave is real.

Gus reckons that the subculture of Master-Slave is so prevalent within our community that if real statistics were obtained, it would shock not only our community, but also the general community as a whole. Master-Slave gatherings are not uncommon although they are held in discrete locations and organised through a secretive network of contacts. Breaking into this sub-community is not easy and generally done through associates.

Yet once in, a whole new subculture is there - one where slaves are "auctioned" off to the highest bidder or shared.

What I find scary is that these people are willing participants in the whole thing. Willing to put their lives on the line to serve another human being willingly in any aspect necessary. To subjugate themselves to the Master's whim, whether it is pleasure in bed or in some cases, more harsher pleasures like whipping etc.

To test out his claims, I created a nic in one of the world's popular chat rooms and went searching for a slave - all in the interests of research.

The results were surprising and shocking. I sat in the main room without participating in the main room conversation nor privating anyone. My bio simply read "Master,41, seeking Slave for 24/7". Within the hour I had found myself five guys aged between 18 and 30 who were willing to be my slave. All of them were genuine and willing to introduce me to their former Masters for references. All of them provided me with their personal phone numbers and websites with well-hidden URL's with photos. With the exception of one, they all were reasonably good looking guys who, if one bumped into them in the general community, would see them as normal people. Occupation wise, all of them worked in fulltime jobs ranging from clerks to one being a local lawyer in a well-known firm.

One thing I found surprising with all of them was their desire to be subservient to another person, to obey their every whim. All of them privated me with their opening comments beginning with "Sir,....". In the private chats, I dug deeper and deeper prying information out of them, and testing them to see whether these guys were genuine or simply role-playing to get their rocks off.

A further quick search on the internet to see how widespread the Master-Slave subculture existed within the gay community, resulted in some surprising finds. There is even a website that is well-visited that allows Masters and Slaves to meet and hook up. All free of charge, and complete with every nitty gritty detail about each other. The other surprising thing I discovered was the Master-Slave Charter which comprises of the "do's" and "don'ts" - a sort of agreement which both parties sign prior to officially entering the Master-Slave relationship. How many adhere to it, I don't know, but the agreement is pretty thorough. It incorporates things like respect, boundaries beyond which neither will go, etc.

In some ways, modern slavery is rather civilised, yet one wonders why people would put themselves in a situation where their lives are controlled by another. I for one, prefer a truly equal relationship where the role of Master-Slave is not involved. But by the same token, I can not and will not pass judgement on another as to how they live their life. For who am I to say what is right and what is wrong?

But slavery in the modern world does exist, even if it is civilised and between consenting adults.

James

Finding One's Self

Everyone gets to a stage in life where one reflects on where one has been, where one is, and where one is heading. This self analysis can sometimes be a very daunting and traumatic experience, especially if one senses they have actually lost direction in life.

How one comes to the stage of reflection, depends on the person. For myself, it is generally triggered by the loss of a friend or lover. The more emotionally involved I was with the person, the more reflective I became with who I am and becoming.

Personally, I hate this stage I go through, as the reflection affects not only my own personal feelings, but also my relationship with family and friends. The frightening part is that the more I self-analyse my life, the deeper I get into the "finding one's self" phase which is similar to depression.

When I go through this "finding one's self" phase, the first thing that I focus on is the reason for the loss. Initially, like everyone else, there is the "why me" and "what did I do wrong" questioning. Although clouded by guilt [real or perceived] at the initial stages, I generally find that by focusing on that particular issue, the matter becomes clearer. Don't ask why or how, it just does. Somehow one's brain clears the clutter that surrounds the issue and gradually focuses on the problem.

By the end of it, I have the answer to that perplexing issue. However, the self analysis for some reason then moves onto the rest of my life - my friends, family and direction I am heading. It is this stage that I generally find the hardest to cope with, as I take a very analytical look at everything. With friends in my life, I look at the role they play and decide whether to cut ties with them or maintain them.

One of the things I look at is what impact they have on my life. Those that are of benefit to me, like being supportive and there for me, I maintain. My closest friends today are long term ones, with a couple of exceptions. They are part of my life because they care about me and are always there supporting me. This is regardless of whether or not they have pissed me off totally in the past. True friends are the ones who are willing to come up to me and say "Oi! Are you blind? Can you not see he is using you?" or "If you love him, tell him you idiot - or I will".

True friends are the ones that stand by your side ready to laugh with you, as well as cry; ready to take you by the hand and lead you into unchartered waters without expecting anything in return other than your company and friendship. From my perspective, true friends are willing to put the friendship on the line, if it means that their actions are actually for your positive benefit - which may or may not be obvious to you at the time. You get my drift?

With the work aspect of my life, that too gets analysed. A realistic look at my work and where it can potentially take me is made, and gradually implement the changes I need.

By the end of the phase, which sometimes can take up to 2 months, the changes are gradually implemented. And the feeling I get? Believe it or not, it's like being reborn again. As each change takes place, I myself change. The changes themselves are like a domino effect, each building on the change of the previous one.

I must admit, the beginning is the hardest, and the first couple of changes are murder - so to speak. But once I go through those, the rest become easier and easier.

So if your life seems to have reached a dead end, then take my advise. Find the biggest issue you have, go to your favourite quiet spot [like the beach], and focus on the problem. By the time you realise it, you are already on your way to "finding one's self".

James

Crying Is No Shame

When will men learn that crying is no shame, but a natural emotion? Why is it that our culture has re-enforced into us that crying - either in public or private - is something we need to be ashamed of? Why is it that in Australia, and more specifically the western [pre-dominantly Anglo-Saxon] cultures have a tendency of looking down on men crying, whereas in other parts of the world the opposite is true?

Over the last few months I have the fortune [or misfortune, depending on one's perspective] to have situations where friends of mine have lost loved ones. And in each situation, the need to let out their emotions has been held back by cultural restraints. One friend lost a close friend to suicide, another lost his brother to cancer, while a third lost his lover due to illness.

In all three circumstances, all three refused to cry openly over their loved ones - even to their closest friends.

This I found sad, as an Australian of southern European origin, I have been raised to show that crying openly is not only a necessary part of the grieving process, but also encourages others around you to provide the emotional support one needs to cope with the loss. One needs only look at the grieving process that southern Europeans go through, and the amount of time taken to cope with their loss, that one sees that crying is therapeutic.

The mind set that we have in our society needs to change. Seeing friends go through the anguish of their loss, yet being afraid to talk about it, is not only heart wrenching for them, but also for their friends and loved ones. Personally, I believe that crying in front of friends is not a sign of weakness, but a sense of strength as it shows you that your friendship with others is sufficiently strong enough to not only show your weakness to them, but also that that "weakness" is a sense of trust in the person involved.

Maybe if we all cried a bit in front of our friends and loved ones, we would be better able to cope with the traumas that life throws at us. Who knows. But a man crying, in my books, is a strong man who trusts.

James

Gays Vs Lesbians

There are divisions within society, some which we openly acknowledge and realise, and others which aren't as obvious. In the wider community, the division between heterosexuals and non-heterosexuals is quite obvious, with the heterosexual community generally placing all others into the "kinky" or "alternative" category. Within the homosexual community we ourselves have divided our peers into categories, the two main ones being gay and lesbian.

Over the last 30 years, we - as homosexuals - have fought for our rights to not only be acknowledged, but also in obtaining the same rights as the heterosexual community. We have had to fight to be acknowledged as "normal", as human beings, as simply individuals who breath, eat, hurt, cry, love and die - just like the rest of humanity.

Yet, I look out our community and sometimes wonder if all that fighting for equality has actually been a waste of time. I wonder sometimes whether we were better off as not being equal with heterosexuals, as being inferior in some way simply because of our preference for sexual partners.

The reason I think is, is because of something that I see quite regularly on the scene, which saddens me. My friends are a wide cross section from within our community, including the young and old, male and female. I take everyone as they are, accept them for who they are, and try not to pass judgement.

Yet time after time, I can not help but wonder if I am in the minority within our community. Many gays complain when the lesbians are around, whether at the bar, the nightclub or the pub. And by the same token, the lesbians complain about the gays.

Take for example a situation a couple of weeks ago. I was down at my local pub having a few beers with two close friends of mine. In the dining area, a group of lesbians were having dinner and celebrating. After the meal, they progressed to the front bar to enjoy the atmosphere and a few drinks. No major drama, no big deal. Ok, the pub is aimed at the gays not the lesbians, but hey - it's a free country.

Yet both my friends complained over their presence, as did a large number of the male clientele that was there. When I didn't voice my agreement over their opinion, they asked me why. My response at the time was quite simple - they are doing no harm and why should we not welcome them to the pub? Sure, it is a GAY pub, but hey, we - as gays - have invaded their turf in the past. When Beans Bar [a lesbian venue] was open, many a gay guy would go there to party. The rules that existed in Beans were quite simple - all are welcome but bare in minds its a LESBIAN venue.

This division which exists between the gays and lesbians on the scene is replicated within our own circle of friends. I look around at my gay and lesbian friends [both close and scene], and wonder, how many of them have close friends of the opposite sex? How many gay guys have close lesbian friends, and vice versa? And when I mean close, I literally mean socialising at each other's houses and doing the non-scene bit like lunch, coffee etc.

The unfortunate answer is not many. This in turn raises another question - why?

Whether we like to admit it or not, the homosexual community is sex-driven. Building a friendship is hard in the best of times, yet in the homosexual community, it is even harder. Friendships within our community are based on a number of factors, including the "potential boyfriend or girlfriend" factor, the "sex" factor and the "threat to my relationship" factor. With our lives being sex-orientated, friendships between gays is marred or inhibited by the "what can I get out of it".

Trying to build friendships with the opposite sex is even harder, not only because the "sex" factor is not there, but also because of the "he/she won't know any cute guys/girls for me to meet" so why waste the time and effort?

In pre-equality [and I use the "equality" word loosely here] times, gays and lesbians mingled even if only to maintain a "straight" look to the rest of the community. With us obtaining more and more rights, we seem to be segregating ourselves into two communities - gays and lesbians.

Which makes me wonder sometimes. Are we segregating ourselves to the point that one day we shall become no better than the heterosexual community was back in the past? Looking down on the other side and thinking we are better? Will our next fight be not over homosexual rights, but gay rights and lesbian rights? Or has that already started without realising it?

James

A Holiday Of Changes - Part 2

It's been a week now since I have returned home, and my thoughts are no clearer than before. If anything, I am now even more confused as to what direction to take.

At work, I have learned that my work team is being merged with another one, resulting in a new supervisor - some one that I like and respect alot. And with this change, my desire to leave has somewhat been reduced to a "would be nice to find a new job". Yet mingled with all this, I have now also been offered a position in Canberra as well by a firm that I deal with at work. From their experience with me during normal day-to-day dealings [and from my past work experience], they want me over there as soon as possible.

Further, the matter has become even more confusing in that I am now being told that David wants nothing to do with me. Talk about a total turnaround by him. He has gone from liking me and telling the other guys what a "great guy" I am, to hating me and never wanting to see me again. The reason for this turnaround? No idea. He won't give any reasons. which has me totally confused.

Maybe its something to do with his past, or maybe he is realising something that he has so far in his life, failed to acknowledge. And that is, that he isn't bisexual but rather gay. This is not me "wishing" but rather based on his comments and actions during our talks - which I won't raise in here. From my past experience, bisexuals fall into two main categories - they are either gay guys who simply can not come to terms with being gay. therefore claim to be bisexual thus satisfying their sexual needs without admitting to themselves their true nature. Or, they are simply sex starved straight guys and will sleep with anyone simply to "offload", thus the reason most bisexuals that I have met are actually tops rather than versatile or bottoms. Only a small minority of bisexuals are actually "true" bisexuals - people who will commit to a person and remain loyal, regardless of whether their partner is male or female.

Either way, I can't see myself finding out as he doesn't want to speak to me, and I, well - don't have time for people who play games. If the others do find out, hopefully they will tell me, but in the end, I am moving on.

However his about-face has now left me in a situation where I need to re-assess my entire situation. Moving to Canberra for a job that pays more, will be good for me. Sydney is only a two and half hour drive away, Melbourne only five hours. Being in Canberra will allow me to not only start afresh, but also give me the ability to travel to cities I have never been to before.

Yet if I move, it will mean a totally new life with new friends and initially it will be lonely until I settle down. Sure, Loch and Anthony are there as well, but I can not rely on my social life revolving around them. They have their own life to lead, just as I would have mine.

So, in the end, I have some serious soul searching to do as to where I am going with my life. And that is the part which I hate - the uncertainty.

Reborn Again

"Mirror Mirror On The Wall, Who is the fairest of them all?"

How many of us have read the fairytale when we were young? How many of us look into the bathroom mirror each day and somewhere in the back of our minds, does the thought "God! Is that me?" come up? How many of us take a good hard look at ourselves and think that it's time for a complete makeover?

Over the last three months I have been doing some spring cleaning with my clothes, and most of it has ended up in the garbage bin. Clothes that I had accumulated over time but rarely wore were simply filling up space in the wardrobe. What's left are my jeans, t-shirts and work clothes, items which I wear regularly. Everything else went into the bin.

Bit drastic one might say, but then one needs to discard things in life which are of no use any more. Whether they are clothes, personal items or even, in extreme cases, people one associates with.

Subconsciously I have been re-organising my own personal life and focusing on what I want to be and who I want to be. Part of this change has been brought on by a friend of mine whose opinions I value and trust. Together, we are both revamping our lives and our aims, and part of that is the remaking of our "public" image.

By this I mean how the people we see at work and socially will perceive us. For me, the change in clothing, attitude and imagine, are paramount. How others take it is of no real consequence as long as I feel comfortable with what I am creating for myself.

Will the changes be permanent or just short term? Can the changes themselves also give me a new perspective in life? And how will others perceive the changes themselves? Does it really matter what others think anyway? Will the changes take a life of their own and move me along?

Changing one's image in some ways, can take a life of their own and take one to a destination unknown. But then again, that in itself may not be a bad thing. Time will tell.

James

Age Should Not Be A Barrier to Friendships

In our community, as in the general community, the age of someone can be a barrier in the establishment of friendships. As we all realise, the majority of our friends tend to be within our own age group with a few at either extreme. It is seen as "incorrect" for an older person to be [non-sexual] friends with an 18 year old and vice versa.

Phrases like "sugar daddy" and "sleaze" come instantly to mind for most people when they see an older male being friends with a younger guy. And yet there need not be anything involved other than pure friendship.

Over the last year, I have personally seen my circle of friends and social acquaintances expand to include people ranging from 17 up to 65. This has not been a deliberate attempt to expand my group of friends, but rather a natural progression over time.

These friendships have expanded my own horizons and perceptions, as well as those of the people I now consider friends. One of the most often repeated comment from the younger friends I have is how "young I act". This has changed their perceptions of older gay guys, in terms of one can be older and still be fun to be around with. My own perception of the younger guys has also changed. We tend to only focus on the young guys who are so focused on sex [and we see plenty of these], yet the majority of those I have met, tend to be quite celibate in their lives. Waiting for the "right guy" before jumping into bed with.

Yet this perception of the younger generation [17-25] being interested in "non-stop" sex, is the one the rest of the community tends to see. And as a direct consequence of this, some of the issues I had to contend with was the comments and insertions made by others in our community, especially as to whether these friendships were established on my part so as to get the guys into the bed. And the hardest thing has always been trying to convince others that there are no secret sexual motives involved. In the end, these comments have been ignored and gotten on with life and enjoying the friendship of others.

But the question needs to be asked. Why is it so hard for gays to be interested in someone on a purely friendship level without bringing sex into it? Are we that sex-crazed that friendship is something you have with people who are "ugly" or "not my type"? Are we that focused on sex, that we must chalk up another notch on our belt, so as to be able to say "I had him" and "been there, done that"?

I for one, do not have an issue with sex or friendship. I enjoy both. However in the end, it is the friendships that one builds that last the longest. Sex itself is something that is temporary, whether it is a casual thing with some acquaintance/stranger or within a relationship.

There is so much we can all learn from each other, if we only try putting aside the age issue. I for one, have now taken up bike riding and inline skating - things that I haven't done for ages. In return, they are learning the pleasures of having dinner parties and the like. Don't let age become a barrier to building new friendships in life ... the decision is yours.

James

In The Name Of God

Okay, now that I have your attention please grab a drink and if you smoke, light up and read.

What the hell is wrong with people today? In fact what is wrong with our society? Ugh!!

I was born into a Greek Orthodox family which religiously [excuse the pun] went to church every opportunity we had. Having been raised in the country, church was something we went to when we visited the city. But, to church we went and my parents taught me that there is a god who loves his children. Further one should not do harm to another and accept people for who and what they are.

Now, years down the track I believe in a god but not necessarily in a Christian one. There is something out there that created this universe we live in, whether it is an almighty deity or whether it is simply nature - I don't know. What I do know is that whatever or whoever created this universe has plans of its own and humanity is one thing that would be only a miniscule cog in it's plans.

However, I continue to believe that each and every one of us have our own beliefs which I fully respect. For this reason I avoid discussing religion with people. You have your views and opinions, I have mine and the two do not cross. Yes, if the issue of religion is raised, I listen to their opinions and expect them to listen to mine, without judging either side.

But what really gets up my nose is those religious people who have the audacity to come knocking on my door at 9am in the morning trying to convert me! Hey - some logic people!! Have you thought of the fact that a lot of people do shift work and they may have only got home and crawled into bed, only to be disturbed by you? Or - and shock horror!! - have you considered the idea that if someone wants to change religions, they will do it themselves?

If your god thinks that I am not following the "right" religion, I am sure he would come down and tell me himself! Or at least send someone who is a bit more considerate than you lot.

Yes, most religions have the "spread the word" motto somewhere in the "holy" scriptures but I don't think the relevant "god" had the idea that his followers run around knocking on people's doors, disturbing them - and when told "not interested" - insisting on preaching!

I for one believe in a god of some sorts. I am more leaning towards "god" being nature and as a direct consequence - our selves. Thus we are all part of "god" and thus "god's" temples and churches are all around us. I believe that I am doing the right thing by respecting myself, respecting my body and respecting every one else. If I do the right thing, I really don't think that if there is a god out there who I don't believe in, is going to say "Tstst .. naughty naughty .. you did not believe in me therefore you can not enter Heaven/Nirvana or whatever".

Come to think of it, I think I have a better chance of entering Heaven/Nirvana/Whatever than those door-knocking pestering religious nuts!

There!! Had my dummy spit and now I am off to bed. So unless the next religious door knocker is cute and gay, the only comment they will get from me is the door slamming in their face!

James

A Holiday Of Changes

Do you believe in Destiny? Do you feel that you do things - not because you have to - but because something deep down says you must? Do you ever wonder why events occur in your life when there is no logic or reason?

I have only just returned from a week interstate visiting family and friends. Yet before going, I was filled with trepidation to the extent that I nearly cancelled the whole trip. Something deep down inside my psyche was telling me not to go, for the events of the trip would change me. How, I didn’t know, except that my returning home would start a chain of events to which I would not know the final outcome.

And yet, despite all this, I put aside my fears and gut feeling warnings, and went.

On the plane, waiting for it to take off, I remember staring blankly out the window and the thoughts of the previous days flooded back. The continual thought of “one last time” kept coming up and this saddened me. I felt as if an ending was about to occur, one that needed to happen for me to be able to move on in life.

The flight itself was uneventful except for the couple that was sitting next to me [and that is another story]. The arrival in Canberra saw the feelings I have had increase, and the doubt of having made the right decision, becoming more pronounced. I suppose I didn’t know what to expect when I arrived, whether it was a good move or a bad one.

Arriving at the place I was staying, I was met by Loch and his cousin Anthony. Seeing these two brought back a lot of good [and bad] memories, but was happy to see them. The third person, their American friend David, was one that I had uncertainty over, as to how I would react having heard so much about him. Yet within the first few minutes, any uncertainties and doubts I had over the guy, quickly vanished. If anything, I found myself wanting him for unlike many people I have met, he managed to not only allay any fears and doubts I had, but also to engage me mentally in some of the most interesting conversations I have had in ages.

I supposed deep down I had made my mind up as to what ‘role’ he would play. Within the first hour and half of me being there, I was leading him into the bedroom naked – much to his shock and to the other’s amusement. The details are not relevant except that he stayed for the rest of the night, before leaving in the early hours of the morning to head off to work. And with him going, I piece of me left as well.

I don’t believe in love at first sight, nor do I believe in soul mates. Yet after he left, I felt as if he left with a piece of my heart. It crossed my mind to take him to Sydney with me, but I didn’t, for the trip was a ‘quality time’ for Loch and I. Further, when Loch had asked if he could come, I had said ‘no’, and to turn around and bring David along would have been a double standard.

So, the question that has already been raised by another friend of mine is – do I love him? The answer to that is simply ‘no’. Do I like him? Yes. What does he feel? Well, that one is a tricky one. From what the others have said, he likes me too but is also scared of me in that he has never met a guy like me before. [Why do people keep saying that?]. I know if I set my mind to it, I can have him but the question is – do I want him? Can I deal with falling for a bisexual guy who also does drugs – and if I can, am I setting myself up for some heartache?

For to want him, I will need to move interstate to Canberra. By doing so, it means that I will then also be closer to Loch and Anthony, which then raises the other issues – will I be moving to see what happens with David, or will I move to be closer to the other two? And how would they perceive the move? Further, do I really want to live in Canberra? Work wont be an issue for I have already discussed this with people I know, and a job is there if I need one.

So, what’s holding me back? I guess it’s the fear of the unknown, the fear of taking a chance, and the fear of my own motives.

They say a holiday is as good as a change, but what happens when the holiday causes the change?

[More tomorrow]

Sex Is Sex

Where have I heard that before? "Sex is Sex" is sort of like saying "coffee is coffee", and yet there is such a wide variety of "coffee" one can have. From the freshly roasted beans to the powdered pre-packaged coffee, from Latte to short black.

Sex is no different, and people's definition of sex varies just as much to the point that as a generality, it loses its meaning.

Take for example a friend of mine in the country. To him, it is not sex if both parties do not "participate" in the event. By this he means [and excuse the vulgarity], if one gives another a head job but is not reciprocated, then it is not sex! So for him, one can have as much fun as he likes as long as only one party provides the "protein shake" so to speak. And thus he can claim that he has been celibate for four years now. Go figure!

Another friend of mine classifies sex as being anal intercourse. If one does not have anal, then one can do anything they like and it's not sex. From his logic it makes perfect sense, thus the reason he sees all these guys on the side [his boyfriend is ignorant of all this] and has no guilt of cheating. Some how I don't think his boyfriend would agree on his perception of "sex" if he found out.

At the other extreme, another friend of mine considers even a long passionate kiss as being sex. Even if it is only between two close friends, the fact that their kiss is not a quick peck, then it is sex. With him, I would hate to think what he would classify a quick kiss on the lips with his closest cousin as. Incest?

But what is sex and how does one really explain it?

In our community more than in the straight one, the definition of sex is so varied that it is practically impossible to clearly provide a description that most gay guys would agree with. If we were straight, then sex would be defined to include oral as well as penetration. Everything else is not sex.

For myself, sex is oral and anal intercourse whereas everything else is foreplay. Kissing, hugging, masturbating with someone else etc is just foreplay. Maybe I am "behind the times", I don't know. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Then again, that's my definition of sex.

Whichever way you look at, each and everyone of us have our own definition of what we classify as "Sex". The only problem is, if you pick someone up, you have to clarify what both parties consider as being "sex", otherwise you might think you are in for a night of hot passionate sex and end up with a long passionate kiss and a cuddle.

Anyone for sex?

James

Making Friendships Last A Lifetime

If one looks at one’s life, it is scattered with friends who have come and gone. Some have stayed in one’s life for a matter of weeks and others for years, few have actually lasted a lifetime.

The friends I now have are long-term and have been around in most cases for over a decade. A few have been around for 1 or 2 years and hopefully these too will be long-term friends. So it raises the interesting question – why do some people remain friends for a lifetime whereas others don’t? That is the so-called $64,000 question.

From my perspective the reasons are several and varied. The primary one is trust between the two people. The ability to know that your life and your very existence may one day be in the hands of a friend, and you know they will be there for you. To trust someone enough to tell them your darkest secrets and fears without having any doubts that it will either be used against you or ridiculed.

Take one of my closest friends Chris. Although he has been in the same relationship now for over thirteen years, I know more about his desires and fears than his own partner does. By the same token, he knows more about me than anyone to date. Yes, there are other friends in my life who know a lot about me, but not to the same extent as Chris does. And the reason for this is quite simple. We both trust each other enough to know that we can be as open as we like without fear.

When we first met we both considered sleeping together and at one stage, even considered dumping his partner for me. That was in the early days of their relationship. But after some in-depth discussions, we never had sex or have ever considered it since. Why? Quite simple in that we both realised that as friends we could be in each other’s life for a lifetime, whereas crossing that line and becoming lovers would one day result in us parting ways. For us to get to the stage of remaining long-term friends we had to go through the soul-searching and the discussion before we could establish that firm ground to build our friendship. Neither of us now have the desire to become partners, the thought of having sex together is furthest from our minds.

Another friend of mine – Steven - has had the desire for several years now for us to take our friendship one step further – even if only for a one night stand. With him too, we have discussed it and flirted, but never taken it to the next step. For both of us realise that doing so would place our long-term friendship on the line. And that is something neither of us want to do. Our friendship is worth more than the pleasure of sex that we would both obtain from it.

A third friend of mine who I have known for ten years now, often joke about fucking each other senseless, yet if it came to the crunch, we would both back out. Why? Because once again we both value our friendship so much that it is more valuable than the sex.

With any of my long-term friends, I can simply make a call and they will be by my side. If I needed some company whether over a cup of coffee or for them to simply stay the night and share a bed [without sex], they will do so.

Even some of my younger and newer friends, the situation is the same. Take Daniel for example. When I first met him we had a mutual attraction, which under different circumstances, would have resulted in us sleeping together. Yet we didn’t and even now, never will. Our friendship is too valuable to jeopardise purely for sex. Like my long-term friends, he too would have no hesitation in being there if I needed him.

So the point to all this is?

The friendships that last are the ones where the people concerned are open and honest about their feelings and needs. The trust between the two is such that both can let down their guard and the let each other into their deepest parts of their lives and know that they won’t be ridiculed or laughed at.

For friendship to survive both parties need to know and understand that as friends, one will do practically anything to help the other out, and expect the same back. Whether it is a shoulder to cry on, a hug because they crave that human touch or simply someone to cuddle up to during the night. Friends – true friends that value their relationship – will do that and more. Simply because they care and are friends.

James

Smokers Rights And Health

Over the last few months the issue of whether smokers should be allowed to have surgery or not has arisen. On the face of it, it sounded like a good idea, however everyone has the right to health care.

One of the arguments put forward is the "extra" cost associated with providing health care to smokers due to smoking related illnesses. But this actually got me thinking - from a different angle. How much is the government actually collecting in taxes from the cigarettes people buy? And where is the money going? With the average pack of cigarettes now over the $10 mark, a lot of it is comprised of taxes.

In the interests of Truth, Justice and the Aussie way [lol], I did some research and found some very interesting results.

During the 12 month period up to June 2002, the government tax [on average] was 37c per cigarette in Australia. Or, to put it in a different perspective, approximately 69% of the price of a pack of cigarettes is government taxes.

In Australia, the government taxed some 22,613 billion cigarettes during the 12 month period up to June 2002. That's 22,613,000,000 cigarettes - quite a lot of cigarettes and hard to imagine, but true. Now, with my trusty little calculator, the tax on these cigarettes came to a nice tidy sum of $8,368,810,000 ... or $8.36 billion!

Now to my logical thinking, if the government collected $8.36 billion in taxes from cigarettes, where is all this money going? And, if smoking related illnesses is such an issue, why is the government not putting that money back into health?

From my way of thinking, if one smokes, one pays taxes for those cigarettes - and it's quite a tidy little sum for the government. So if a smoker falls ill, the argument being put forward regarding withdrawal of health services, is not only ludicrous but also an injustice and prejudicial action. Sure, smoking does cause health problems, no one is denying that. However every person is entitled to health care regardless of whether they are smokers or not.

If the health system is under funded, it is not because of the smokers but a government decision. Further, if smoking does cause extra pressure on the health system, then maybe the government can put that cigarette tax back into the health system!

And on a final point - and correct me if I am wrong - but when one used to graduate from medical school, it used to be customary to take the Hippocratic Oath. In layman's terms, it simply states that a physician [doctor] will treat one and all regardless of who they are. Or has that belief in providing health care gone out the window and doctors are now more money orientated and judgemental?

Where will it all stop? Are some doctors going to turn around and say that they won't treat patients because they are drug users, or drinkers, or - god forbid - of the wrong race?

Come on, let's get back to the basics here. Health care is for all people, and doctors are there to get us back to being healthy. If smoking is so bad, then maybe the government should take the path of banning cigarettes and their sale, and provide Nicorette patches to all smokers. Or is the nice tidy sum of money coming into the Federal coffers too much for the Government?

James

PS: The figures provided in this article are from the Federal Government's own Bureau of Statistics and the QUIT organisation.

Reality Bites

Turn the TV on practically any night of the week, and one is confronted by what has been dubbed "reality television". Shows where ordinary people are lumped together in a place and their every move is scrutinised not only by the cameras, but also the viewers. Shows like "Survivor", "The Resort", "Big Brother" and "Ground Force" all have become an integral part of our voracious appetite for something different.

I myself am not an avid viewer of television, with my average viewing being about two hours a week. This is generally watching "Queer As Folk" and the few minutes in the morning of the "Today" and "Sunrise" shows - the latter two purely to see what the weather is going to be for the day.

Yet over the last two weeks, I have sat down with my flat mate and watched these reality TV shows. And what I have seen has not only surprised me, but also re-enforced my opinion of humanity and the media in general.

Take the issue of sexuality on these shows. Most of them have their token gay guy or couple simply to some-how attract the gay viewers. None have a lesbian or lesbian couple though. Is this because two lesbians would be difficult for the straight community to 'spot'? Seriously, if one did not know better, any two women seen on the street could be mistaken as lesbians, especially as they walk around holding hands, hugging etc. Men don't do that, unless one is openly gay and likes flaunting it.

Body beautiful seems to be the order of the day with these shows. I have yet to see a fat man or woman on any of these shows, and most are under 30 years old. If they do exist like that US show where the fat guy is used as a "stooge", it simply is there for the laugh factor. Or is it my imagination? Nah can't be - these kind of people simply don't exist in real life. Do they?

And oh the bitchiness and cattiness of them all! My God! I never knew straight people to be so manipulative! I thought it was the domain of sexually frustrated queens that could have claws so big and sharp and dangerous! Or does the issue of 15 minutes of fame and money bring out the best [or worst] in all of us?

But then I keep forgetting that I lead a sheltered life and my circle of friends and work colleagues are in the minority. I simply must work in an industry where my fellow workers are made up of a vast variety of people. If I had to do a quick calculation, I would say about 20% are gay/lesbian, 30% would be considered as "fat", and of the remaining 50%, half of these would be 40 and above. The good-looking guys and girls would account for about 30% of the total workers - bearing in mind that most are also gay or lesbians.

Then again, maybe these shows are called "reality TV" simply because that is how we envisage our "reality" to be - full of beautiful young people. Or is it the money generated from the advertising and the high viewership of these shows that leads the producers to fill these shows with their "perceived" view of what reality is all about?

Don't know who needs to get a life. Me switching the TV set off and going out and mingling with the "real" people of these world which is full of beautiful people; or the producers who need a reality check simply by walking down any major shopping strip and looking at who is around them.

I know one thing though. Reality bites - whether it bites me or the producers - you decide!

James

Am Back

Well, after a week away, I am happy to be home.

It was a great trip to Canberra and Sydney, and had lots of fun. PLUS got loads of content for new articles, which I will be posting online over the next week or so.

Did anyone miss me? LOL

James