Gays Vs Lesbians

There are divisions within society, some which we openly acknowledge and realise, and others which aren't as obvious. In the wider community, the division between heterosexuals and non-heterosexuals is quite obvious, with the heterosexual community generally placing all others into the "kinky" or "alternative" category. Within the homosexual community we ourselves have divided our peers into categories, the two main ones being gay and lesbian.

Over the last 30 years, we - as homosexuals - have fought for our rights to not only be acknowledged, but also in obtaining the same rights as the heterosexual community. We have had to fight to be acknowledged as "normal", as human beings, as simply individuals who breath, eat, hurt, cry, love and die - just like the rest of humanity.

Yet, I look out our community and sometimes wonder if all that fighting for equality has actually been a waste of time. I wonder sometimes whether we were better off as not being equal with heterosexuals, as being inferior in some way simply because of our preference for sexual partners.

The reason I think is, is because of something that I see quite regularly on the scene, which saddens me. My friends are a wide cross section from within our community, including the young and old, male and female. I take everyone as they are, accept them for who they are, and try not to pass judgement.

Yet time after time, I can not help but wonder if I am in the minority within our community. Many gays complain when the lesbians are around, whether at the bar, the nightclub or the pub. And by the same token, the lesbians complain about the gays.

Take for example a situation a couple of weeks ago. I was down at my local pub having a few beers with two close friends of mine. In the dining area, a group of lesbians were having dinner and celebrating. After the meal, they progressed to the front bar to enjoy the atmosphere and a few drinks. No major drama, no big deal. Ok, the pub is aimed at the gays not the lesbians, but hey - it's a free country.

Yet both my friends complained over their presence, as did a large number of the male clientele that was there. When I didn't voice my agreement over their opinion, they asked me why. My response at the time was quite simple - they are doing no harm and why should we not welcome them to the pub? Sure, it is a GAY pub, but hey, we - as gays - have invaded their turf in the past. When Beans Bar [a lesbian venue] was open, many a gay guy would go there to party. The rules that existed in Beans were quite simple - all are welcome but bare in minds its a LESBIAN venue.

This division which exists between the gays and lesbians on the scene is replicated within our own circle of friends. I look around at my gay and lesbian friends [both close and scene], and wonder, how many of them have close friends of the opposite sex? How many gay guys have close lesbian friends, and vice versa? And when I mean close, I literally mean socialising at each other's houses and doing the non-scene bit like lunch, coffee etc.

The unfortunate answer is not many. This in turn raises another question - why?

Whether we like to admit it or not, the homosexual community is sex-driven. Building a friendship is hard in the best of times, yet in the homosexual community, it is even harder. Friendships within our community are based on a number of factors, including the "potential boyfriend or girlfriend" factor, the "sex" factor and the "threat to my relationship" factor. With our lives being sex-orientated, friendships between gays is marred or inhibited by the "what can I get out of it".

Trying to build friendships with the opposite sex is even harder, not only because the "sex" factor is not there, but also because of the "he/she won't know any cute guys/girls for me to meet" so why waste the time and effort?

In pre-equality [and I use the "equality" word loosely here] times, gays and lesbians mingled even if only to maintain a "straight" look to the rest of the community. With us obtaining more and more rights, we seem to be segregating ourselves into two communities - gays and lesbians.

Which makes me wonder sometimes. Are we segregating ourselves to the point that one day we shall become no better than the heterosexual community was back in the past? Looking down on the other side and thinking we are better? Will our next fight be not over homosexual rights, but gay rights and lesbian rights? Or has that already started without realising it?

James