Age Should Not Be A Barrier to Friendships

In our community, as in the general community, the age of someone can be a barrier in the establishment of friendships. As we all realise, the majority of our friends tend to be within our own age group with a few at either extreme. It is seen as "incorrect" for an older person to be [non-sexual] friends with an 18 year old and vice versa.

Phrases like "sugar daddy" and "sleaze" come instantly to mind for most people when they see an older male being friends with a younger guy. And yet there need not be anything involved other than pure friendship.

Over the last year, I have personally seen my circle of friends and social acquaintances expand to include people ranging from 17 up to 65. This has not been a deliberate attempt to expand my group of friends, but rather a natural progression over time.

These friendships have expanded my own horizons and perceptions, as well as those of the people I now consider friends. One of the most often repeated comment from the younger friends I have is how "young I act". This has changed their perceptions of older gay guys, in terms of one can be older and still be fun to be around with. My own perception of the younger guys has also changed. We tend to only focus on the young guys who are so focused on sex [and we see plenty of these], yet the majority of those I have met, tend to be quite celibate in their lives. Waiting for the "right guy" before jumping into bed with.

Yet this perception of the younger generation [17-25] being interested in "non-stop" sex, is the one the rest of the community tends to see. And as a direct consequence of this, some of the issues I had to contend with was the comments and insertions made by others in our community, especially as to whether these friendships were established on my part so as to get the guys into the bed. And the hardest thing has always been trying to convince others that there are no secret sexual motives involved. In the end, these comments have been ignored and gotten on with life and enjoying the friendship of others.

But the question needs to be asked. Why is it so hard for gays to be interested in someone on a purely friendship level without bringing sex into it? Are we that sex-crazed that friendship is something you have with people who are "ugly" or "not my type"? Are we that focused on sex, that we must chalk up another notch on our belt, so as to be able to say "I had him" and "been there, done that"?

I for one, do not have an issue with sex or friendship. I enjoy both. However in the end, it is the friendships that one builds that last the longest. Sex itself is something that is temporary, whether it is a casual thing with some acquaintance/stranger or within a relationship.

There is so much we can all learn from each other, if we only try putting aside the age issue. I for one, have now taken up bike riding and inline skating - things that I haven't done for ages. In return, they are learning the pleasures of having dinner parties and the like. Don't let age become a barrier to building new friendships in life ... the decision is yours.

James