Making Friendships Last A Lifetime

If one looks at one’s life, it is scattered with friends who have come and gone. Some have stayed in one’s life for a matter of weeks and others for years, few have actually lasted a lifetime.

The friends I now have are long-term and have been around in most cases for over a decade. A few have been around for 1 or 2 years and hopefully these too will be long-term friends. So it raises the interesting question – why do some people remain friends for a lifetime whereas others don’t? That is the so-called $64,000 question.

From my perspective the reasons are several and varied. The primary one is trust between the two people. The ability to know that your life and your very existence may one day be in the hands of a friend, and you know they will be there for you. To trust someone enough to tell them your darkest secrets and fears without having any doubts that it will either be used against you or ridiculed.

Take one of my closest friends Chris. Although he has been in the same relationship now for over thirteen years, I know more about his desires and fears than his own partner does. By the same token, he knows more about me than anyone to date. Yes, there are other friends in my life who know a lot about me, but not to the same extent as Chris does. And the reason for this is quite simple. We both trust each other enough to know that we can be as open as we like without fear.

When we first met we both considered sleeping together and at one stage, even considered dumping his partner for me. That was in the early days of their relationship. But after some in-depth discussions, we never had sex or have ever considered it since. Why? Quite simple in that we both realised that as friends we could be in each other’s life for a lifetime, whereas crossing that line and becoming lovers would one day result in us parting ways. For us to get to the stage of remaining long-term friends we had to go through the soul-searching and the discussion before we could establish that firm ground to build our friendship. Neither of us now have the desire to become partners, the thought of having sex together is furthest from our minds.

Another friend of mine – Steven - has had the desire for several years now for us to take our friendship one step further – even if only for a one night stand. With him too, we have discussed it and flirted, but never taken it to the next step. For both of us realise that doing so would place our long-term friendship on the line. And that is something neither of us want to do. Our friendship is worth more than the pleasure of sex that we would both obtain from it.

A third friend of mine who I have known for ten years now, often joke about fucking each other senseless, yet if it came to the crunch, we would both back out. Why? Because once again we both value our friendship so much that it is more valuable than the sex.

With any of my long-term friends, I can simply make a call and they will be by my side. If I needed some company whether over a cup of coffee or for them to simply stay the night and share a bed [without sex], they will do so.

Even some of my younger and newer friends, the situation is the same. Take Daniel for example. When I first met him we had a mutual attraction, which under different circumstances, would have resulted in us sleeping together. Yet we didn’t and even now, never will. Our friendship is too valuable to jeopardise purely for sex. Like my long-term friends, he too would have no hesitation in being there if I needed him.

So the point to all this is?

The friendships that last are the ones where the people concerned are open and honest about their feelings and needs. The trust between the two is such that both can let down their guard and the let each other into their deepest parts of their lives and know that they won’t be ridiculed or laughed at.

For friendship to survive both parties need to know and understand that as friends, one will do practically anything to help the other out, and expect the same back. Whether it is a shoulder to cry on, a hug because they crave that human touch or simply someone to cuddle up to during the night. Friends – true friends that value their relationship – will do that and more. Simply because they care and are friends.

James