Crying Is No Shame

When will men learn that crying is no shame, but a natural emotion? Why is it that our culture has re-enforced into us that crying - either in public or private - is something we need to be ashamed of? Why is it that in Australia, and more specifically the western [pre-dominantly Anglo-Saxon] cultures have a tendency of looking down on men crying, whereas in other parts of the world the opposite is true?

Over the last few months I have the fortune [or misfortune, depending on one's perspective] to have situations where friends of mine have lost loved ones. And in each situation, the need to let out their emotions has been held back by cultural restraints. One friend lost a close friend to suicide, another lost his brother to cancer, while a third lost his lover due to illness.

In all three circumstances, all three refused to cry openly over their loved ones - even to their closest friends.

This I found sad, as an Australian of southern European origin, I have been raised to show that crying openly is not only a necessary part of the grieving process, but also encourages others around you to provide the emotional support one needs to cope with the loss. One needs only look at the grieving process that southern Europeans go through, and the amount of time taken to cope with their loss, that one sees that crying is therapeutic.

The mind set that we have in our society needs to change. Seeing friends go through the anguish of their loss, yet being afraid to talk about it, is not only heart wrenching for them, but also for their friends and loved ones. Personally, I believe that crying in front of friends is not a sign of weakness, but a sense of strength as it shows you that your friendship with others is sufficiently strong enough to not only show your weakness to them, but also that that "weakness" is a sense of trust in the person involved.

Maybe if we all cried a bit in front of our friends and loved ones, we would be better able to cope with the traumas that life throws at us. Who knows. But a man crying, in my books, is a strong man who trusts.

James