Sex Is Sex

Where have I heard that before? "Sex is Sex" is sort of like saying "coffee is coffee", and yet there is such a wide variety of "coffee" one can have. From the freshly roasted beans to the powdered pre-packaged coffee, from Latte to short black.

Sex is no different, and people's definition of sex varies just as much to the point that as a generality, it loses its meaning.

Take for example a friend of mine in the country. To him, it is not sex if both parties do not "participate" in the event. By this he means [and excuse the vulgarity], if one gives another a head job but is not reciprocated, then it is not sex! So for him, one can have as much fun as he likes as long as only one party provides the "protein shake" so to speak. And thus he can claim that he has been celibate for four years now. Go figure!

Another friend of mine classifies sex as being anal intercourse. If one does not have anal, then one can do anything they like and it's not sex. From his logic it makes perfect sense, thus the reason he sees all these guys on the side [his boyfriend is ignorant of all this] and has no guilt of cheating. Some how I don't think his boyfriend would agree on his perception of "sex" if he found out.

At the other extreme, another friend of mine considers even a long passionate kiss as being sex. Even if it is only between two close friends, the fact that their kiss is not a quick peck, then it is sex. With him, I would hate to think what he would classify a quick kiss on the lips with his closest cousin as. Incest?

But what is sex and how does one really explain it?

In our community more than in the straight one, the definition of sex is so varied that it is practically impossible to clearly provide a description that most gay guys would agree with. If we were straight, then sex would be defined to include oral as well as penetration. Everything else is not sex.

For myself, sex is oral and anal intercourse whereas everything else is foreplay. Kissing, hugging, masturbating with someone else etc is just foreplay. Maybe I am "behind the times", I don't know. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. Then again, that's my definition of sex.

Whichever way you look at, each and everyone of us have our own definition of what we classify as "Sex". The only problem is, if you pick someone up, you have to clarify what both parties consider as being "sex", otherwise you might think you are in for a night of hot passionate sex and end up with a long passionate kiss and a cuddle.

Anyone for sex?

James