Updates

Hi all,

I will be on holidays for the next week, so may not get the chance to update my blog. However, I will re-post from October 5th.

In the meantime, have fun, play safe and enjoy!

James

Sex Drive

What is it with gay guys? Or is it simply that gay guys tend to be more open about what they want, compared to straight guys?

There's a gay guy I know who came "out" late in life. Previously married and living a very closeted life, he finally decided in his late forties that being gay and open was more important than living a lie. And for that, I say to him "good on you!". But what is it with this attitude that he has wasted most of his life and has catching up to do?

What does he need to catch up on? Is it the number of guys he hasn't slept with and the misconception that he has to re-live his entire life again? Try to cram twenty-odd years within only a couple? Try and get laid so many times per week so as to catch up on what he missed? Is that why he is chasing the 19-22 year olds at present? Will he "upgrade" to the 25-30 age group in the next few months when he decides that he has had enough of the 19-22 year olds to compensate for the lack of conquests when he was that age?

Why get pissed off when they knock him back? Does he think that flaunting wealth and power will attract anyone into his bed? Few of the younger generation I know find wealth and money appealing enough to say "hell! I will sleep with him if it means getting hold of some of his money". The ones that do, generally use the older generation purely for what they can get out of the person, and then - generally - have their little indiscretions on the side with people of their own age.

The reason I raise all this, is that I am getting really sick and tired of my younger friends coming to me and complaining of people my age [40+] continually hitting on them, flaunting their "wealth" and then get abused when they say "no". One good example is a very close young friend of mine. He has been hit on by so many older guys that it is becoming a real joke.

Currently in a relationship, he is not only getting annoyed over these older guys hitting on him, but also their lack of respect for the fact that he has not only said "no", but also has a partner and is loyal to him. His preferred age group is his own - guys aged between 18 and 22 - not 40 and over. Not that he has anything against people my generation, but he likes guys who are his own age.

So my message to the guys my age, who love chasing guys in the 18-25 age group, if the guy says "no" then take that as a hint. He is NOT interested in you. Don't get agro over the rejection. THINK about what you are doing. How would you - in your 40s or 50s - react if someone in their 80s or 90s hit on you? Would YOU jump into bed with them? Would YOU feel annoyed over their continual advances even if you said "no" to them so many times?

Yes, we all have a sex drive, but our drive for sex should be aimed at people who are interested in us. Not in the people who are not. Some may be a lot younger than us, some may be a lot older for us. But a "no" is a "no", not a "no is a hidden "yes".

Got the jist of all this?

James

Straight Guys In Bed Are Better

Before you get all uppity and starting emailing me abuse - read the article title carefully - Straight Guys In Bed Are Better. Notice that it does NOT say they "are better in bed" but rather "in bed are better".

Okay now relax and let me explain how I came to this conclusion.

Now like most gay guys my age, we have had quite a few "sexual encounters" in our lives ranging from the 'true' gay guy to the bisexuals to those that are straight but on very rare occasions allow their inhibitions to drop and - well the rest is history as another conquest is made.

A few years back, I used to go out partying with a straight female friend of mine - Jackie. Even though she had a long term boyfriend, the two of us would paint the town "red" every Friday and Saturday night. We did this for nearly a year and rarely did we ever go home alone. Within the first month, we had fine tuned our pickup procedure to such a level, that we nearly always had "trade" within the first hour or so of hitting the local straight pub.

Our pickup process was quite simple - too simple in fact, but it always worked. It went something like this. If I saw a guy that I found attractive, I would approach them and tell them that Jackie was interested in him. Once introduced, I would leave Jackie and the guy to chat for a while as she "showed interest" in him. During the conversation she would mention she preferred having a threesome which to most straight guys, is a wish come true. The catch would be that the third person would be me rather than another female. Now Jackie knew how to get guys to do what she wanted, and her looks were such that most straight guys found hard to resist. Imagine a female with large breasts, slimmish build with blonde long semi-curly hair. And a smile that could kill!

A couple of drinks later and the poor guy was hooked and committed to a threesome! The rest - well, that's private but lets just say that the guy would end up spending most of the night with me rather than Jackie in bed. On a few occasions, Jackie would stay the night with the trade and me only because of the fact that Mr. Trade felt more comfortable having a female in bed as well. It helped lower their inhibitions.

Unlike gay guys, these straight guys were willing to try anything in bed. Their inhibitions were reduced remarkably to the point that rarely did our sex sessions not result in full anal intercourse. It helps when the poor guy is seduced by a female who continually whispers in their ear that she wants to make love to him while at the same time he is f***** by another guy. Once the "gay" sex begun, Jackie would generally crawl out of bed with some excuse [like I have to go to bathroom] and head home or to the kitchen, leaving me with the straight guy.

The reason I raise this part of my past is that one of my younger friends is undertaking his thesis at University. The subject of his thesis is that humanity is actually bisexual in reality, and that under the right circumstances, men will sleep with men and women will sleep with women.

Part of his thesis is based on physical research where he is actually out on the scene testing his theory. The rest is based on people's experiences and that's where my past comes in. Jackie and I caught up a few months ago over coffee and were reminiscing about our past endeavours when Adam [my young university friend] happened to be going past. He had joined us for coffee and "discovered' my secret past.

So far, Adam is coming to the conclusion that a gay guy in bed with a straight guy is actually more fun due to the fact that a straight guy will experiment more under the right circumstances. It does not make the straight guy better in bed than a gay guy, but it sure makes it more fun having a straight guy in bed with you. If you follow my drift ;-)

James

Oh My God! It's Not Porn!

An acquaintance of mine in Sydney loves his porn. He loves it so much that if you ever have the chance of going to his place, you will find one room dedicated to gay porn. Everything from porn videos to porn magazines, from porn postcards to porn posters. Even the lounge suite in the room is covered by material showing guys in different positions having sex, as is the coffee table with its dildo-like candles and the like. One could describe it as porn paradise.

If anyone had to find a shrine for gay porn, Alain's place would definitely have to be the one where gay porn lovers would make the pilgrimage to. Most people that have seen his porn room, only see it through the doorway; very few and only close friends ever set foot inside. Yet despite his desire for porn, he is a pretty quiet, level headed guy. By day an accountant for a small suburban accounting firm in Padstow, he spends his weekends visiting various adult shops in Sydney and Canberra, adding to his collection.

Jokingly, the comment was made once that he should set up a porn gallery, exhibit his collection and raise some money to expand it. That comment went down like a ton of bricks! Like how dare someone even make that suggestion? Who in their right minds would let other people touch his priceless collection?

I would classify this as an obsession, just like people who see Elvis Presley at the local supermarket or Star Trek fans who eat, sleep and dream of Vulcans and Klingons. To Alain, it's a hobby even if it is a very expensive and time consuming one. However like most people with obsessions like his, they become predictable. Every birthday and Christmas party he has been to, the present is always something revolving around pornography. Whether it is a tastefully produced book on male nudity or some grotesque statue of David with an oversized "power tool".

So it came as a no huge shock to a friend of mine who knows Alain, when he got his birthday present. Wrapped in the typical camp paper, it felt like a large coffee table book. Jason, like everyone else, knew it would be just another gay porn book. So timidly and slightly embarrassed, he gently unwrapped the present whilst trying to hide from his parents. The first glimpse of the cover was - sure enough - pornographic.

Jason timidly opened the front cover to read the inscription Alain had written for him. There in blue ink, Alain had written "Happy Birthday Jase. Never judge a book by it's cover. Hope you like it. Love Alain". Thumbing through the pages, Jason's face just changed astronomically. From a timid embarrassed look, his eyes gleamed and from his mouth came those now-famous words "OH MY GOD! IT'S NOT PORN"!!

Alain had given Jason a book on Japanese Gardens and how to maintain them - a new hobby of Jason's - but had replaced the cover with a porn sleeve.

I suppose the reason I wrote this article is two-fold. One, even the most predictable of people can sometimes shock you, and secondly, as Alain had written, one should never judge a book by its cover. It's the content that matters and what's really inside. And my real purpose for this article? well, I really don't have one, except that I was clearing my inbox for my email account and stumbled across an email Jason had sent me a couple of months ago.

Don't know what triggered it, but I remembered that birthday and the events around it. Just another happy moment in my life that brought a smile :-)

James

Have The Gods Returned To Mt Olympus?

Have you noticed something strange happening over the last few years in Europe? Or is it my overactive imagination taking control again? It seems like the ancient gods of Mt Olympus have returned home and are smiling on their beloved people one more time.

In ancient times right through to the Middle Ages, one culture seemed to dominate European society, either directly or indirectly. Greece was the powerhouse of intellectual thought, discovery, science and more in the Classical times. When the Romans finally conquered Europe [and Greece], the Middle East and North Africa, converting the Mediterranean Sea into a Roman lake, the Greek culture was the dominant one resulting in Ancient Rome's famous Poet Horace saying "Greece has conquered her rude conqueror".

When the Roman empire broke into two parts, it was the eastern part - the Eastern Roman Empire [later to become known as the Byzantine Empire] which survived for over 1100 years and the Greek language and culture permeated throughout the eastern Mediterranean. Even with that empire collapsing in 1453AD, Greek culture then took over the rest of Europe, as the Dark Ages gave way to the Renaissance where Greek thought, science etc took hold.

But Greece - as a country and a people - has been a backwater nation, which has lived on its past glories. As one of the poorer and smaller countries of Europe, it's modern day influence has been minimal.

By now, you are probably wondering what or where I am heading.

Well, I find it strange how all of a sudden, a new "Greek era" is suddenly emerging. Not in politics, philosophy or science. But in the social and cultural "ethos" of the people. Its a seed at present, but it makes me wonder whether this "seed" will evolve into a small plant and later into a tall oak [excuse the analogy].

In 2004, Greece won for the first time, the European Soccer cup coming from being a total outsider and defeating the powerhouses of Europe. This was then followed by the most successful Olympic Games in history, despite all the stops-and-starts and the fears of terrorism, not to speak of many simply believing they would never pull it off.

In 2005, they then proceeded to win the Eurovision Song Contest with the song "My Number One" through clever touring and promoting themselves prior to the event. And now, once again despite being the outsiders, they have won the European Basketball defeating the Germans.

What will happen in 2006? Another couple victories?

If you look beyond the sporting and cultural scene, the Greeks of today are also becoming the financial powerhouse of the southeastern part of Europe. Many of the Greek banks are now major shareholders [or owners] in most of the SE European banks [eg Bulgaria, Macedonia, Albania, Romania, Serbia etc] through acquisitions and partnerships. Investment by Greek companies [both government owned and private] in the southeastern European nations is now so high, that Greece is the major economic powerhouse for the region. And through this, also the political power of the region.

Is the 21st Century seeing the dawning of a new era for Greece? One where socially and culturally it is re-raising its head and saying "we are here, so beware", whilst economically it is becoming the power of SE Europe - a mini-USA so to speak?

Or have the Gods of Mount Olympus simply got tired of their hollidays away, and now returned home. Has Zeus and Hera and their ten children looked down on their beloved country and despaired at what their favoured people have become during their absence? And now, with a favoured wind here, and push there, gently prodding them to regain some of their ancient glory?

Time will tell, but if any of you do go to Greece for a holiday, look up at Mount Olympus and see if the fires are lit once again :-) And please let me know.

Feeding The People

It is a well documented fact that the vast majority of people today are living below the poverty line. In most countries, people do not have access to health, education or even a decent meal. Don't take my word for it, just read your local newspaper, check out the various websites on the internet or simply call any one of those charity organisations that are seeking 'sponsors' for children.

And yet the saddest thing is, is that we could wipe out famine and bring these countries and people to a level of living similar to ours without increasing taxes or decreasing our own services.

Don't shake your head in disbelief. Seriously! Here's the evidence.

Did you know that the USA alone, if it diverted just one day's military spending - that is divert not increase - they could single handedly wipe out famine on the entire planet within a decade?

Yes, you read it right - WIPE OUT famine on the entire planet within a decade. And we are not talking about handouts of cash here either. We are talking about providing the funds to create the infrastructure to produce the food that will feed them. So the solution is not a temporary one but a permanent one. Imagine what would happen if all the rich countries did the same ... just allocated one day's military spending into helping the poor of this planet.

And the flow on from this would also bring changes in other areas.

Consider this. Most of the bloodshed today is in the Third World countries which are so poor it isn't funny. Why is it that there are no civil wars in Australia, New Zealand, Singapore, Taiwan, France or any other Second and First World countries? The answer is simple - the populations of these countries are content.

We have a population, which as a whole, have food on our tables, access to good medical facilities and jobs to go to so as to earn a living. In other words, we have the money to live our lives as we generally see fit. As a result of this, our political systems are stable. Would we consider a civil war to place someone in power who might upset our living standards and rights? No.

If we utilised our financial resources to help the poorer countries into the building of medical and education facilities, the agriculture sector and the commerce sector, would these people then wish to overthrow their government? Would there be bloodshed simply because some tyrant wants power? Would the defence forces support a would-be dictator knowing that the vast majority of the people are content with their lifestyle and current government? I personally don't think so.

Some of you may argue that by allocating one day's defence spending into helping the poorer nations, would result in more competitors for our own produce and services. Yes, it would and with that I won't disagree with you. However it will also open up more export opportunities for our own industries and our produce as well. And the end result is that we would not only wipe out famine in these countries, but share some of the wealth which we have attained in some cases by exploiting these poorer countries and their resources.

So why are we not doing it now? Interesting question that one. Maybe we need these poor countries to remain poor so as to sell our weapons. Maybe we are so self centered with our own needs that any money going overseas is seen as "wasteful". Or maybe we have leaders who only think from one election to the next, and that is why they are "politicians" not "statesmen".

Personally, I think any country that decided to do this would not only benefit from helping a poorer country, but that poor country would in turn see their helper as a friend. Who knows, they may even then go the next step and give that country preferential treatment with any export/import trade.

Just a thought.

James

F=P+P

This must be the strangest title for an article I have ever written or come across, unless you are into science or mathematics. So before I go into the article, let me explain what F=P+P actually means. It means Future equals your Present And Past. Nice, simple, easy.

Yeah Right! I hear you say.

Well it actually does. Think about it. Future equals Present and Past. Hmm .. you don't understand it? Ok. Here's JEB's interpretation of it, and see how well it sits with you.

Each person's present is made up of events and people that have come in and out of your life in the past. So the past creates the situation in which you are at the present. Yes? So, as the present is only a fleeting moment, it then becomes the past; and the present with its own events then create the future. Nice, simple, easy.

The reason I raise this is simple. With all relationships, we have a past. Generally with friends, we have a lot of good times, happy memories as well as some bad ones. As each event unfolds, we are directing our relationship one way or another. Then one day, something happens that kills the relationship, and generally the decision to kill it is made there and then, without thinking of the consequences or the benefits of it. At the time, we only see one side of the event and not realise the undercurrents that are in place.

Then some time in the future, which could be months or years down the track, we suddenly remember the events. This could be because someone mentioned the person's name or we find something that makes us remember the "old days". Like most people, we look back and see where events have unfolded and sometimes think "yeah, I should get in touch with that person". Generally we don't either because we keep putting it off or simply don't know where they are.

In my case, years ago I knew this guy who was a very close friend of mine. We did everything together to the point that everyone thought we were lovers. We had met in the corridors of the University, and somehow we clicked. We were very close friends for nearly 3 years till one day I met Michael who I fell in love with. Now Shaun [my friend] realised that I was head over heels over this guy, but he made one fatal mistake. He ended up sleeping with him despite knowing how I felt.

All hell broke loose when I found out and within a couple of weeks, Shaun was history in my life. Gone! I wanted nothing to do with him at all for he had betrayed my trust and crushed my feelings. Shaun tried to salvage the friendship but me being pigheaded at the time, simply said "no".

About four years later I was cleaning out some old boxes with papers in it. You know, the general cleanup one does when there is too much "junk". In one of the boxes I found the letter and card that Shaun had sent to me apologising. I sat there for over an hour reading the letter and more importantly, the card. I remembered all the good times, the happy times, the fun times we had, and it got me thinking. Maybe I should get in touch with him, even if only to find out how he was.

What I found out broke my heart. Shaun had died of AIDS only two months earlier, and from his mum I found out something which scared the hell out of me, but also brought a sense of relief. He had contracted it through unsafe sex with Michael!

I sat there in shock. It could easily have been me. Thankfully Michael and I never had sex, but if Shaun had not slept with him first, I might have been the one that was now dead. So the Future is made up of the events created in the Present and the Past.

And the card that Shaun had sent me? It simply read:

“Your present and future is made up of the past, and the people you meet. The ones that make the biggest positive impact on you are the ones that truly care. Friends sometimes come and go, but true friends will always leave their front door open for you, regardless of what happens.”

According to his mum, he still considered me his best friend despite of what happened. She said that for weeks after we stopped being friends, he would go home and the first thing he would do is check his mail and answering machine hoping that I had written or called. And when there was nothing there, he would cry at the loss.

I feel guilty in not trying to keep the friendship or keeping in touch now. I keep thinking "how hard would it have been to send a card or something saying 'hi how are you' to him?" Was what he had done really that bad that our friendship had to be ended? Could I not simply have looked at it as a learning exercise?

I sometime now sit back and think about all those good times we had, and how much fun he was to be around. He was after all my best friend at the time.

So today I made a decision. I have sent that same message to a close friend of mine. How and what he does with it is entirely up to him. But I hope that unlike me and Shaun in the past, us two can patch things up and bring back our friendship to some sort of level.

James

Stupidity

Over the weekend, I had some of my younger friends over for dinner and drinks - something that I used to do on a regular basis. The dinner table discussion was interesting to say the least, but once the subject got onto sex, I realised how stupid some people can be.

Don't get me wrong, I am no prude or nerd, but there are some things that one does that are "non negotiable". I was shocked that some of them actually practice unsafe sex with guys they pick up. Now, being in a long term relationship [and this I classify as three months or more], I can understand going from safe to unsafe if one has been tested and both partners are loyal. But to go out on the scene, pick up a stranger, go home with them and have unsafe sex is pure stupidity in my books.

There is no excuse for not wearing a condom - every nightclub I have been to have jars full of them and are FREE. If you forget to get some from the nightclub, service stations are open 24 hours a day so buy some! Because the "trade" for the night doesn't ask for a condom is no excuse not to wear or insist on one. If it is not on, it is not going in so to speak. And alcohol is no excuse either nor is the argument that one has seen the person out for "ages" and never picks up. Well sorry - but when one only sees the person on a Friday and Saturday night out on the scene - that's only 10-12 hours of an entire week. Who knows what they do when they leave the nightclub or during the week?

Unsafe sex is like Russian Roulette. Ok, you might not get the HIV virus but there are a myriad of other diseases one can catch, some of which are life threatening and some aren't. Examples are Hepatitis, Herpes, Crabs and more. One might be lucky and have unsafe sex with a stranger who is "clean" and then again they may be disease ridden.

Is a couple of hours of pleasure really worth risking one's life? Or is there such a lack of respect for one's own body and life? Further, what happens if you catch something and don't know, then you meet the "true love of your life" and infect them? How would one feel if they later discover that not only has one contracted something but also passed it on to their lover?

Are you willing to gamble not only your own life but that of your current or future partner? If you are stupid then go for it. But personally, I like all my friends and want to have you all around for a long long time. Funerals aren't my scene, sorry. Nor is Stupidity, so do yourselves a favour and "cover up"?

Please?

James

What is Your Secret Fantasy?

Everyone has a secret fantasy whether we are willing to tell others or keep it as a secret.

At work a couple of weeks ago, we were sitting and having lunch at the corner hotel when someone raised the issue of secret fantasies. I can't remember who it was, but the reaction from most of the others around the table, was as if someone had mentioned a taboo subject. Eventually after much prompting and encouragement, most of us started revealing our secret fantasies, and what fantasies some have!

For the purpose of this article, ALL names are fictitious but the fantasies are real. So sit back and have a chuckle or two.

Gayle is in her late forties married with two teenage children. One of the loveliest people you will ever meet, and to many, she is a "second" mother. Not the slimmest of people I have ever met, she never the less has no issue with her weight. And her secret fantasy? To be a model where dressed in her small bikini outfit, she promotes swim wear for the "chubby" people of this world. What made her fantasy different is that in the billboard posters, she pictures herself sitting down on a "skinny" model with the sign above them both saying "It's not a matter of size, but what is on top". I offered to do the photos if the "skinny" model is a cute male :-)

Mark is in his early thirties with a beautiful two year old son and wife. Listening to him and the way he talks to customers is - to say the least - an experience, and brings a smile to most of us who hear him. Not someone who you would consider as "adventurous", his fantasy shocked most of us. If he had the chance he would bungee jump off the side of a cliff, and when on the rebound up, have the rope cut so that he can then parachute down to earth! Somehow I personal think I will pass on that one!

Raymond is the "clown" of our area, and at only 22 is the youngest in our group. Like most of his generation, cars and girls are his passion, but unlike most of the others, he is - well - different. His fantasy is to be married not only to his girlfriend but have his new sports car as his best "man". Somehow, I think he needs to get his priorities right for somehow I can't see that happening. Mind you, if you ask him how his other half is, you have to specify his girlfriend otherwise he will start talking about his car instead!

Maria at the age of 25 is the most travelled in our group. Having spent nearly two years in the UK and just as many travelling through Europe, she is once again getting itchy feet to move on. Her fantasy was simply to pack her bags one day, sell all her belongings, and spend the rest of her life moving from country to country on a permanent working holiday.

And finally Sandra. At 38 divorced with three children, her fantasy shocked the rest of us including yours truly. We all know men have this fantasy of watching two lesbians having sex and then joining in. Well Sandra's is the reverse for she wants to sit back and watch two gay guys having sex, and then joining in! I nearly fell over backwards with that one for she is the most anti-gay member in our area, and barely tolerates me. If she ever does fulfill her fantasy, I told her I would like to be there to tape it for posterity's sake!

As for my fantasy, well ... I succeeded in avoiding it as it was time to head back to work. Yes, I am a spoil sport but I have my reasons for not telling you. Too many of you would get involved to try and make it come true, so sorry. That's my secret fantasy and will remain a secret for the time being :-)

James

Satisfy Me If You Love Me

One of the most common problems in relationships is the inability of a lot of people to satisfy their partners. The other main problem is the lack of communication, whether through the anticipation of being seen as a deviant or through fear, also limits people from full on experimentation.

Take yours truly. I have had enough of "vanilla" sex - it's fun, don't get me wrong, but a bit more "juice" would be fun. To be totally honest, that is one of the reasons why I am so over sex, as most people I meet seem to have a narrow vision of what satisfaction is all about.

What ever happened to doing the "vanilla" sex as well as the more adventurous stuff? Like - hey - tie me up and tickle me. Or even better, tie me up, gag me and run your tongue all over me. Make me squirm! Where are the handcuffs? Where are the whips? Where for god's sake is the excitement of trying new thresholds?

Or is it simply me? Do people perceive me as being the "vanilla sex" type of person? Seriously - is that how everyone perceives me and most people? I'll be totally honest - my god! That is going to be scary!

In my entire life, only one person has taken the sex to a point where we have experimented to a level where we both satisfied each other, and yet did not "penetrate" each other. The role playing was fantastic! The games were erotic! The satisfaction was mind blowing! And yet, as two close friends - we never took it beyond that. We never actually had sex - just fun in bed, on the couch, in the kitchen, on the dining room table.

For those that prefer not to know - don't read any further.

Being tied spread-eagled across the bed face down; having someone gently whip me and then run their tongue down my entire body to the point that it became ticklish. The rope burns on my wrists and ankles were there for a week and were so bad, I had to take time off work due to "illness". There was no way I would go to work looking like that!

What I enjoy even more is doing it to someone else. I remember one day I came home and my friend was waiting for me. As always we chatted for a while before one thing led to another and ended up in bed. As was customary with us, it was his turn to be the "victim". So tied to the bed and on his back - the fun begun. No - this is not a porn story - but something that will make people sit up and take notice. Vanilla sex is out! For me anyways - I need excitement!

The fun begun with me sucking his toes and moving up his legs - nibbling him here and there. Bypassing his crotch, except for a tender kiss you know where, I moved up his stomach and chest, to his neck. Crouched over him, my butt over his crotch, I gently nibbled his neck and earlobes, moving systematically from one side to the other. As sex partners, we rarely kissed because as what's-her-name in Pretty Woman said, you never kiss because you could fall for him. But on occasions, we would share a mouthful of wine or champagne. I have lost count on how many bottles of champagne we wasted and how many times the bed sheets had to be washed afterwards.

It's amazing how many turn-on points someone has, and some in the most unusual spots on the body. Places that if done correctly, can arouse the other person no end.

Our experimentation went to the point that if we took it any further we would have had only two options left open for us. Either become a couple or go to the extreme. Sometimes I look back and think, maybe we should have taken that extra step and did become an item. And yet, I sit back and think, would it have worked out? Would we have gotten to a point where we both knew each other so well, that anything beyond that would be boring? Going to extreme did cross our minds, but we both realised that going to one extreme would become enjoyment, and gradually boring. This would in turn raise the bar for extremism, and we would venture further and further to a point where we both could end up being hurt. Not only emotionally but physically as well.

The other thing that worried both of us was that, if we found partners, would "vanilla sex" be boring? Or would we find it exhilarating due to the fact that it is so .... normal? Would our search for a partner be affected by this? And if we did find a partner, could we teach them to go beyond the "vanilla sex" without ruining it?

I know that what we learnt from each other, he practiced on his next partner - with much delight. But they never took it to the extreme we did for not only was his partner unwilling to go that far, but also because my friend found it did not give him the same satisfaction as when we did it. My own search for a partner has been hampered by this taste for non-vanilla sex. Raise the issue of handcuffs and ropes in a joking manner, and most guys bolt.

Which brings up the issue - how boring are they? Or have I got to a stage where vanilla sex is boring for me because I crave more?

Does that make me kinky?

James

Sometimes The Realisation Of Truth Is More Difficult Than It's Discovery

Each and every one of us has our own beliefs, perceptions and requirements in life. What we look for either in another person or in achieving in life varies from person to person. And yet, sometimes what we seek is staring us straight in the face, so to speak, and don’t realise it.

Take for example our search for an ideal job. One where we are not only paid well but also would enjoy going to. In many cases our ideal job may not necessarily be in another company or industry. It may well be the job we are in. All that would be required is a change in mind-frame and perception to make us happy in the job we are currently doing. By the same token what we consider to be our ideal job may just be an idealised perception and reality may be totally different.

The same goes with our search for a partner. We each look for something specific in the other person, something that we may or may not realise. We may go through a number of relationships in our lives looking for that one person who will make us happy and never find them. All along our best and closest friend is there to support us through our ups and downs, and if you are lucky, he/she may be there for you for a lifetime.

I sometimes sit back and think about what I believe in, what I am looking for, what I desire out of life both from a personal as well as a professional perspective. I look at the job I am currently doing and know that if it were only slightly different, it would be my ideal job. Many people may disagree but to me, customer service is an essential industry. I enjoy helping people and yet these same people make my job less than perfect.

Each company has a customer service section, whether it is one person or ten thousand, and they are there to assist their customers. Yet my job is less than perfect due to a number of reasons, the main ones being employer originated issues [e.g. duration of calls and expectations] and customer originated.

From a personal perspective, in my private life I am continually searching for someone I can feel comfortable with, someone I can go home to and have a great time without having to go out on the scene. I look at my close friends and I have subconsciously chosen them for that reason. And yet, I can honestly say that none of them would ever be my partner for how does one mix friendship with relationship?

But if one sits back and thinks about it, my friends would be ideal partners for me. They provide everything I need with one exception – sex. I am down, they prop me up; I am happy, they are happy; I need a shoulder to cry on, they are always available. I look at them and sometimes do wonder whether my search for a partner is really a waste of time, for they are already there in my life. It’s a matter of making that next step of making a friend into a partner.

My frame of mind needs to change and really consider – what am I looking for? Am I looking for that elusive ‘love at first sight’ that rarely comes into one’s life, and when it does, even more rarely does it last? Or am I looking for a companion? Someone I can turn to at any time, someone I can sit down and talk to and not be afraid of being ridiculed or laughed at? Someone who can look me straight in the face and say ‘you’re an idiot’ and know that my reaction will not be one of disappointment? Someone who cares enough about me as an individual that will go out of their way to help, whether it is financial, moral or emotion support?

Some people will argue that one has to love their partner – or more specifically – be in love. But is that necessary to have from the beginning? And what kind of love are we really talking about? Are we talking about the head-over-heels kind of love or simply that warm glow of being around someone you care about? I look at my parents and their generation where family arranged marriages were the norm. Initially, love was never there, just the feeling of having a companion and mutual respect. With time, that companionship developed into love that has lasted for over 40 years. Yes, they do argue and disagree, but that is what keeps relationships alive.

Maybe our generation has created a situation where we are destined to forever search for that elusive ideal partner, because we have been brought up to believe in looking for love first and then companionship. Maybe that’s where we have gone wrong and why many of us are destined to pass our final years alone surrounded by our friends that have been there all along.

Maybe discovering that our closest friends are our companions is something we all need to grasp. And in realising the truth, in a sense, is more difficult than its discovery.

James

Take Me To Your Leader

Imagine humanity's first contact with an alien race somewhere in space, sometime in the future. The conversation might go something like this:

Alien: We come in Peace

Human: Same here mate! Where are you from?

Alien [pointing to a distant star]: Gralgark. You?

Human [pointing to Earth]: United States of America. Welcome to our planet.

And after the other pleasant interplanetary chit chat, the aliens are invited to come to Earth and meet our "leader". After humanity recovers - somewhat - from the shock of finally confirming that we are not alone in the universe, the alien Gralgarkian leader is brought to New York and the UN Headquarters. The USA armed forces are providing massive ground and air security, and everyone is kept at least four blocks away from UN HQ, the Gralgarkians finally make their official speech in front of the UN General Assembly.

The Gralgarkian will survey the audience, and what a mixture it would be. He would scratch his head thinking that the species is very very mixed. He would look around and see writings in various languages, and marvel at how a species could be so varied yet united under one leader.

The opening speech at the UN General Assembly would go something like this:

UN Secretary General: On behalf of all humans, we welcome you to Earth, in peace and harmony.

Alien Leader: Human? Earth?

UN Secretary General: Yes, that is what we call our planet - Earth.

Alien Leader: Is this not the planet called the United States of America? Is your race not known as Americans?

UN Secretary General: No. The USA is a country on our planet only.

Alien Leader [looking shocked]: So you are not the leader of this "Earth"?

UN Secretary General: No, not officially.

Alien Leader: But who do we speak to for our interplanetary trade and cultural agreements?

UN Secretary General: Well ... that is going to be a problem. The UN can broker it, but all the planet's countries will have to agree first.

Alien Leader: Will it take long?

UN Secretary General: Umm .. yeah. Might take a few years or decades, but you aren't in a rush are you? After all, you have traveled billions of light years to get here. What's a few extra years? You can open an embassy here if you wish to help with the agreements.

At this stage, several things would happen. Firstly, an uproar in the General Assembly over the aliens establishing an embassy in the USA and not their own countries. Secondly, the aliens would come to the conclusion that humans are not only dis-united but also very very backwards. Thirdly, will decide on whether to stay and hope to sign agreements [either with the entire planet, or piece meal with each country] or leave and come back sometime in the [distant] future when they can speak to one person who represents all humans. And fourthly, each country on this planet will attempt to have private discussions with the aliens to hopefully encourage them to "spill their guts" on their scientific achievements - but only to their own country, not humanity.

Now, you the reader, are probably scratching your head thinking "what the hell is he going on about?".

Well it's really quite simple. During the last 30 years of the 20th century, the exploration of space was the domain of the USA and Russia. Now, as we enter the 21st century, not only the USA and Russia, but also Europe, China and India are getting into the act.

Give humanity another 30-50 years and we will see space colonised not by humans, but by Chinese, Russians, Indians, Europeans etc. Each country on Earth will be claiming a part of space as their own, and when squabbles break out on Mother Earth, these will be mirrored in space as well.

There have been announcements that the colonisation of the Moon and Mars, plus more space exploration is on the drawing boards for the next 50 years. And with this exploration and colonisation, our chances of contact with other alien species [if they exist] will become more and more possible.

We, as humans on Earth, will be spending billions upon billions of dollars researching and developing space craft, systems and the like, to get our own nationalists into space. A lot of the money will be wasted as research is duplicated across the planet.

Is it not about time that as we take our first steps into establishing a permanent residence in space, that we do this in a united fashion? Okay, the United Nations may not be the best unifying body we have, but it is the only one that has brought all the countries together to try and sort out issues.

Could not space exploration and colonisation be under the banner of the UN or a UN Agency, with funding from all nations based on their financial abilities? So that if we ever do come into contact with aliens, it will be ONE flag from one planet that they encounter? And with all matters relating to space, the UN Secretary General would be our leader and the UN General Assembly our governing body.

On Earth, if we want to remain separate countries, that's fine. But in space, we have to have a united approach to exploration, colonisation and administration. After all, we all are of the same humans species, even if down on the ground level, we describe ourselves as "Russians", "Australians" and "Americans".

James

Gay Marriage: To Marry Or Not To Marry

The issue of whether gay and lesbian couples should be allowed to marry, has been in the headlines both here in Australia and overseas, for the last 4 to 5 years.

In our search for equality with the rest of the community, we are pushing for not only the right to marry, but also equality in other areas including superannuation, health and more. Yet one area which has not been covered is the area of marriage and the after effects, should we ever get to the point of being allowed to marry and be recognised as a married couple.

Like the heterosexual community, marriage allows us to show the rest of the world that we are committed to each other and our love is such, that we want to spend the rest of our lives with our partner. Whether "the rest of our lives" actually eventuates, is another issue. I don't intend throwing a "spanner in the works", but has anyone really looked at the whole issue of marriage from a realistic perspective?

Our community is not known for having long term relationships. Sure, there are couples who have been together for 5, 10 even 20 years, but these are not the norm. Most gay and lesbian couples survive, on average, between 18 months and 3 years.

So let's draw an assumption that we are allowed to legally marry our partner. Walking down the aisle is not a cheap exercise, and like heterosexual couples, we expect our relationship to last "till death do us part". However, if the marriage does not last - for whatever reason - we simply can't pack our bags, move out and then move on with our own lives.

With marriage comes the other legal aspects. Things like taxation issues, assets, liabilities, superannuation, health etc. And above all else comes that extra issue we don't face at the present moment - divorce.

It is bad enough dealing with a broken relationship and dealing with the separation of joint assets at present. Yet if marriage for us does become reality, we then have to face the added hurdles of the divorce factor. In some states and countries, divorce is not an easy process nor is it cheap. Counselling sessions, lawyers, courts and more, become involved in the process of obtaining that valuable piece of paper which says you are single again.

If the breakup of the marriage is an amicable one, then the divorce process is easier for the couple concerned. However, if the separation is not amicable, then the divorce process can be a very long drawn out process and a messy one, to say the least.

Further, in addition to the divorce issue, there are the other legal issues. Governments will need not only rewrite the laws regarding marriage to allow Gay and Lesbian marriages to be legal; they will also need to rewrite the tax laws, divorce laws, superannuation laws and more to simply cater for the fact that marriage is no longer a man-and-female issue. The whole legal process for bringing gay and lesbian marriages into fruition will be a long drawn out process.

So the questions we really need to ask ourselves is that, do we really want to have the right to marry? Is that piece of paper which says "married" really that important to us? Can we not achieve the same outcome but from another angle?

Personally, I think the whole marriage issue is not going to be resolved in the near future. Not because it is too big a hurdle to overcome, but it is creating a polarity within the general community between the right wing / religious groups and those supporting the gay/lesbian marriage cause, which will cause the whole situation bounce between the legal system and society as a whole.

We need to focus on being recognised as gay and lesbian couples without drawing into the equation the issue of "marriage". We need to focus on equality as a whole, and once we have been recognised as "equals" in the tax, health etc systems, then marriage would evolve as a natural progression. It will also give time for the general community to come to terms with the whole issue of "gay and lesbian" marriages.

Its like the horse and cart scenario ... lets not try to get the cart to drag the horse, but vice versa.

James

Why I Quit The Chatrooms

Last week I did something I thought I would never do. I quit the chatrooms, not because I met someone nor that I was bored with them. To the contrary - I enjoyed going in and chatting to the regulars. Some were - and still are - reallife friends, whilst others were net-friends.

As a regular of not only gaydar but also gay.com, I have frequented the rooms for the last 6 years or so, spending the vast majority of my time chatting in the main rooms as opposed to private chats. The purpose? Well, that was for several reasons. To meet new people, to socialise without going out, to hook up on rare occasions where I too had the need, and hopefully, to meet someone who would become important to me in my life.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of nice guys who go into the chatrooms. Some are there for the sex, some go in to catch up with friends, whilst others are simply bored and/or lonely at home and just simply want to interact with others.

However, the one thing that had become obvious over the last few months, was the amount of people who showed no respect to other people's feelings, throwing comments which were not only hurtful but also [legally] deflamatory and simply taking no time to respect the fact that although we all have a nic, we are after all human beings with feelings behind the keyboard.

For me personally, I made the effort of being honest in my profile as to what I wanted. I also made it clear that on occasions, I was not interested in private chats or looking for casual pickups. Yet over the last three weeks, I have been bombarded with requests for sex, privates and more. I was even offered cash for sex. God! I am not that desperate or cashstrapped [obviously, they were]. The polite "no thanks" to these was either abusive comments back or persistance in hooking up. To me, a "no thanks" means a "no thanks".

This, coupled with derogatory remarks about some people, who - ok - may not be the most attractive people on the planet, but they do have feelings, simply showed that people can be extremely shallow, vindictive and insensitive. One guy even threatened suicide [not sure whether he was being serious or not] and yet some in the room told him to get a move on it and do it. Now, if this guy was being serious and he did do it, how would these idiots react knowing that they had encouraged him to do it?

In the end, I took a good hard look at the whole chat thing and thought to myself "would I socialise with these kind of people in real life?". And the answer unfortunately was "no". If I wouldn't socialise with them in real life, what was I doing socialising with them in the chatrooms? There is more to life than sitting in front of a computer chatting to people who I would not want to share a drink with down at the local pub.

So I bit the bullet and quit.

Those that give a damn, and there are some in there that I would like to keep in touch with outside the chatrooms, can contact me via my gaydar profile [I still check it for messages] or they can contact me via this blog. The rest - well, I think some people need to have a good hard look at themselves and the way they interact with others.

Maybe I took things too seriously. I don't know. Maybe reality finally sunk in. I am not saying I won't go back, but I know it will be a while before I do.

J.

Science and Homosexuality

In the last few weeks, an interesting research paper was released on the biological differences between homosexual and heterosexual men. The research from Sweden claims that chemicals called pheromones - chemicals that send sexual messages as often undetectable odors to individuals of the same species - are more like a woman's in a gay guy, than a straight guy.

This latest research confirms previous scientific reports that homosexuality is actually a natural rather than an "acquired" trait in humanity. One is not gay because one chooses to be one, but rather is born with it. If "it" is a correct term.

The interesting thing about this latest research is the potential consequences it can have, especially if future research continues to confirm these findings. From our [gay community] perspective, it confirms what we have always believed - that we are born this way, and that no amount of medical or psychological "altering" can make us straight.

As more and more research is done, I can see in the future, products being launched to specifically cater for the gay man and our "sexual" orientation which are scientifically proven to work. Products such as after shave products which will have chemicals in them aimed at "attracting that elusive guy". Commercialism of this won't be too far off in the future.

However like everything, there is the other side, the negative one.

As more and more research is conducted on homosexuality and its biological origins, the homophobic sections in our community will try to find ways to use science to identify one's sexual orientation or aim at "removing" the homosexual trait completely.

In nations where homosexuality is illegal [e.g. Saudi Arabia, Pakistan etc], the confirmation that homosexuality is biological and identifiable via medical means can lead to mass discrimination and human rights abuse. Even those of us that live in a gay-tolerant society, traveling to these countries will, in the future, be one of risk. Further, within our own countries, anti-gay crusaders, religious zealots, homophobic employers and con-artists will come up with various "medically proven" means of identifying who is gay or not.

And this is where this and previous research papers provide us with a double-edged sword. By confirming that homosexuality is a normal biological human "trait", how do we ensure that we are protected as scientific research into homosexuality advances without allowing the bigots of this world trying to undermine our basic human rights? How far should science go to prove that homosexuality is not an acquired characteristic? And if it is discovered that science can alter these "traits", what legal protections should be put in place to ensure that "human altering" is not used to remove the "gay gene"?

We are in for interesting times ahead.

James

Welcome

Welcome to James Bailey Online.

From Adelaide, Australia, this is my little corner of the BlogWorld. Coming soon, news, articles and sneak previews of the novels I am writing, just to keep you amused.

But like everything, this is a work of art in progress - so bare with me as I get everything up and running.

James