Sometimes The Realisation Of Truth Is More Difficult Than It's Discovery

Each and every one of us has our own beliefs, perceptions and requirements in life. What we look for either in another person or in achieving in life varies from person to person. And yet, sometimes what we seek is staring us straight in the face, so to speak, and don’t realise it.

Take for example our search for an ideal job. One where we are not only paid well but also would enjoy going to. In many cases our ideal job may not necessarily be in another company or industry. It may well be the job we are in. All that would be required is a change in mind-frame and perception to make us happy in the job we are currently doing. By the same token what we consider to be our ideal job may just be an idealised perception and reality may be totally different.

The same goes with our search for a partner. We each look for something specific in the other person, something that we may or may not realise. We may go through a number of relationships in our lives looking for that one person who will make us happy and never find them. All along our best and closest friend is there to support us through our ups and downs, and if you are lucky, he/she may be there for you for a lifetime.

I sometimes sit back and think about what I believe in, what I am looking for, what I desire out of life both from a personal as well as a professional perspective. I look at the job I am currently doing and know that if it were only slightly different, it would be my ideal job. Many people may disagree but to me, customer service is an essential industry. I enjoy helping people and yet these same people make my job less than perfect.

Each company has a customer service section, whether it is one person or ten thousand, and they are there to assist their customers. Yet my job is less than perfect due to a number of reasons, the main ones being employer originated issues [e.g. duration of calls and expectations] and customer originated.

From a personal perspective, in my private life I am continually searching for someone I can feel comfortable with, someone I can go home to and have a great time without having to go out on the scene. I look at my close friends and I have subconsciously chosen them for that reason. And yet, I can honestly say that none of them would ever be my partner for how does one mix friendship with relationship?

But if one sits back and thinks about it, my friends would be ideal partners for me. They provide everything I need with one exception – sex. I am down, they prop me up; I am happy, they are happy; I need a shoulder to cry on, they are always available. I look at them and sometimes do wonder whether my search for a partner is really a waste of time, for they are already there in my life. It’s a matter of making that next step of making a friend into a partner.

My frame of mind needs to change and really consider – what am I looking for? Am I looking for that elusive ‘love at first sight’ that rarely comes into one’s life, and when it does, even more rarely does it last? Or am I looking for a companion? Someone I can turn to at any time, someone I can sit down and talk to and not be afraid of being ridiculed or laughed at? Someone who can look me straight in the face and say ‘you’re an idiot’ and know that my reaction will not be one of disappointment? Someone who cares enough about me as an individual that will go out of their way to help, whether it is financial, moral or emotion support?

Some people will argue that one has to love their partner – or more specifically – be in love. But is that necessary to have from the beginning? And what kind of love are we really talking about? Are we talking about the head-over-heels kind of love or simply that warm glow of being around someone you care about? I look at my parents and their generation where family arranged marriages were the norm. Initially, love was never there, just the feeling of having a companion and mutual respect. With time, that companionship developed into love that has lasted for over 40 years. Yes, they do argue and disagree, but that is what keeps relationships alive.

Maybe our generation has created a situation where we are destined to forever search for that elusive ideal partner, because we have been brought up to believe in looking for love first and then companionship. Maybe that’s where we have gone wrong and why many of us are destined to pass our final years alone surrounded by our friends that have been there all along.

Maybe discovering that our closest friends are our companions is something we all need to grasp. And in realising the truth, in a sense, is more difficult than its discovery.

James