Gay Marriage: To Marry Or Not To Marry

The issue of whether gay and lesbian couples should be allowed to marry, has been in the headlines both here in Australia and overseas, for the last 4 to 5 years.

In our search for equality with the rest of the community, we are pushing for not only the right to marry, but also equality in other areas including superannuation, health and more. Yet one area which has not been covered is the area of marriage and the after effects, should we ever get to the point of being allowed to marry and be recognised as a married couple.

Like the heterosexual community, marriage allows us to show the rest of the world that we are committed to each other and our love is such, that we want to spend the rest of our lives with our partner. Whether "the rest of our lives" actually eventuates, is another issue. I don't intend throwing a "spanner in the works", but has anyone really looked at the whole issue of marriage from a realistic perspective?

Our community is not known for having long term relationships. Sure, there are couples who have been together for 5, 10 even 20 years, but these are not the norm. Most gay and lesbian couples survive, on average, between 18 months and 3 years.

So let's draw an assumption that we are allowed to legally marry our partner. Walking down the aisle is not a cheap exercise, and like heterosexual couples, we expect our relationship to last "till death do us part". However, if the marriage does not last - for whatever reason - we simply can't pack our bags, move out and then move on with our own lives.

With marriage comes the other legal aspects. Things like taxation issues, assets, liabilities, superannuation, health etc. And above all else comes that extra issue we don't face at the present moment - divorce.

It is bad enough dealing with a broken relationship and dealing with the separation of joint assets at present. Yet if marriage for us does become reality, we then have to face the added hurdles of the divorce factor. In some states and countries, divorce is not an easy process nor is it cheap. Counselling sessions, lawyers, courts and more, become involved in the process of obtaining that valuable piece of paper which says you are single again.

If the breakup of the marriage is an amicable one, then the divorce process is easier for the couple concerned. However, if the separation is not amicable, then the divorce process can be a very long drawn out process and a messy one, to say the least.

Further, in addition to the divorce issue, there are the other legal issues. Governments will need not only rewrite the laws regarding marriage to allow Gay and Lesbian marriages to be legal; they will also need to rewrite the tax laws, divorce laws, superannuation laws and more to simply cater for the fact that marriage is no longer a man-and-female issue. The whole legal process for bringing gay and lesbian marriages into fruition will be a long drawn out process.

So the questions we really need to ask ourselves is that, do we really want to have the right to marry? Is that piece of paper which says "married" really that important to us? Can we not achieve the same outcome but from another angle?

Personally, I think the whole marriage issue is not going to be resolved in the near future. Not because it is too big a hurdle to overcome, but it is creating a polarity within the general community between the right wing / religious groups and those supporting the gay/lesbian marriage cause, which will cause the whole situation bounce between the legal system and society as a whole.

We need to focus on being recognised as gay and lesbian couples without drawing into the equation the issue of "marriage". We need to focus on equality as a whole, and once we have been recognised as "equals" in the tax, health etc systems, then marriage would evolve as a natural progression. It will also give time for the general community to come to terms with the whole issue of "gay and lesbian" marriages.

Its like the horse and cart scenario ... lets not try to get the cart to drag the horse, but vice versa.

James