What You See Is What You Get

How many times to do we see someone and come up with a perception or conclusion about the person? How many times, based on those conclusions, do we discover that we were right or wrong?

A couple of days ago I was having coffee with a friend of mine - and yes I do love my coffee sessions - and happened to cover the issue of perceptions. I must admit that on that particular day I was on a downer, not for any particular reason though. Mark raised the issue of maybe I should go out and find a local boyfriend, something which most of my friends are adamant I should do.

As those who know me either in real life or through my articles, I have been single for a while now. I mentioned to Mark that there were few guys that I had met that I would consider "marriage material", and those that were, seemed to be not interested. It was at this stage that Mark made his comment that had me thinking.

Mark made the comment that a lot of guys on the scene that he knew, found me to be unapproachable and were afraid of coming up and saying "hi". His comments shocked me as I consider myself to be a very friendly and approachable guy. I asked him for clarification. At first he was a bit unsure as to how to respond, and after some persistent "Tell Me!!!" from me, he gave me his reasons.

Apparently a lot of guys out there find me unapproachable for a number of reasons. The fact that I am friendly is not the problem. However the fact that I tend to know a lot of guys on the scene and socialise with them, plus the fact that am always surrounded by a lot of people; some guys see this as a barrier. Plus the fact that whenever I am out, I am always in a happy jovial mood.

One of Mark's own friends made the comment to him that he thought I was a rather attractive guy and would have liked to get to know me, but was afraid of coming up and saying hello. Afraid that I would not be interested and that he would have to somehow compete with the others around me.

His comments really threw me as I believe that I am a pretty open guy, and what you see is what you really get - a very down to earth guy with few hang-ups. I am friendly to everyone as long as they don't try to do me wrong, and will talk to anyone regardless of age or looks. That is me, it what makes me - me! I don't sit there and judge people by who they are. I don't believe in creating a "public persona" for when I am out so as to hide the "real me". There is no point, in my books anyways.

But what worries me now is that if this is a common perception about me, how do I change that? And further to the point, do I really want to? By changing I am also changing who I am, and that is something I will not do. Mark's comments have been confirmed with some of my other friends as well. There are things I could possibly do to make myself more "approachable" without changing who I am. Things like sometimes standing away from the others, being less "social" with my friends and the like.

But do I want to do that? Is it me that needs to change or should those that are interested show some courage and come up and say hello? It isn't that hard to do. A lot of people I know I have met at the bar, simply by making a "bee line" and standing next to them even though the bar might be closer to where I was originally standing.

If someone is interested then a casual "how's your night" or a simple "hi" is a nice ice breaker to start a conversation. If the other person is interested then they will show it.

So to those out there who MIGHT be interested, well with me, what you see is what you get. I am who I am, and if you are interested then come up and say hello. I won't bite, not unless you ask me to :-)

James