Know Thyself

Two of the most important concepts the Ancient Greeks followed were inscribed in the Temple of Apollo - in Delphi - were "Know Thyself" and "Nothing In Excess". These two concepts so commonly known in today's society that they have become part of every culture. Yet so few people practice them.

"Know Thyself" - we all think we know ourselves quite well, but how much do we really know? How much do we understand who we are and what we want? If we don't know ourselves, how do we expect others to know us? And for that matter - understand us and what makes us tick?

"Nothing in Excess" - well, that one is open to personal interpretation as to how much is too much. But, how do we gauge when enough is enough? How do we know we have gone beyond the level where it becomes excessive?

Take the two together and you have one great ideal in life - Know Thyself with Nothing In Excess. A former partner of mine - Tony - is a prime example of someone who did not follow either of these. We were seeing each other for around six months - one of those relationships which did not last.

In his entire life till about three years ago, the longest he had been single was three weeks - and he was so excited about it, that he had to simply tell everyone. His entire life from around 18 through to his late 30s he went from relationship to relationship, normally finding his next partner before ending his current relationship. But as fate is always around, he ended up being single for nearly a year - and was totally lost! He had no idea as to who the real Tony was - what made him "tick" so to speak. And more importantly, did not know how to survive without having someone around him all the time.

Some of us call it soul searching, but for him, it was more. He spent the year trying to find himself and the more he dug into himself, the more he realised two things. One - he was nothing more than a blend of every partner he ever had, and two, his own self was such a small percentage of who he was, that it scared him. Depression simply set in, and the realisation that his obsession with being in a relationship was the main culprit behind it all. Thankfully, he pulled through and now can survive being alone.

The reason I raise this [and there is always a reason], is because I am looking at how some of my younger friends are today acting. And all I can see is junior Tonys. One of my younger friends in particular is of great concern, for he has given his current other half more and more opportunities to make efforts to keep the relationship going, and it seems to be ignored. How many times must one put out the fires before one says enough is enough and give up? It's like using a bucket full of holes trying to empty a sinking boat. The old saying "nothing in excess" seems applicable - he is using all his energies to try and make something be what it isn't.

The other thing is that he himself only knows or wants one thing - to be in a relationship. Yet, so far, he has succeeded in losing a large part of his own identity, and become a collage of his closest friends and partners [past and present]. I kind of sit back and wonder what he would be like when he is 25? Will he be the same person or will I sit across the table having coffee with him, and all I would see is bits and pieces of his ex's?

Maybe I am trying to latch onto someone I once met and can't come to terms with the changes that every one goes through. Maybe I am scared that he might change so much that I won't want to know him. Maybe I am afraid that one day I will look at him and see myself - for many of my friends say that he is another me - speech, mannerisms, attitude and more.

I do know that he needs to sit back and find himself, for once he knows who and what he is ["Know Thyself"], then and only then can he really be an individual. Someone with the ability to not only live within a relationship, but also live without one too. Only then when he realises when too much effort is being wasted ["Nothing In Excess"] that it's time to say enough is enough and call it either quits or issue the ultimate ultimatum - and stick to it.

But then, in all honesty, how many of us know ourselves and do go beyond the excess bit? I for one know that I don't truly know myself, and that on many occasions I go beyond the point where I should have given up. But then, I also know that about myself too. Catch22.

James