The Lucky Country

Australia has always been called the ‘lucky country’ and as a first world nation, we are one of the more advanced ones.

Yet my every day job brings me into contact with a large cross section of society, and I am beginning to wonder how ‘lucky’ we really are. I work in a call centre for a major telecommunications company, and every day we receive thousands of calls from across the country regarding their mobile phones.

Most of the queries can be honestly classified as ‘genuine’, but some – well – I sometimes wonder how intelligent some Australians really are.

For example, one abusive call I had was from a young man in his 20s complaining that we had cancelled his mobile service. I asked him what was on his screen, to which I got the reply “nothing”. No signal strength? No battery strength? “nope, nothing” was the reply. I asked the customer to press the power button, and to tell me what was happening on his mobile screen. ‘Enter pin’ he replied. He proceeded to enter his pin, and like magic, his mobile was working again.

Now not being rude, but how stupid was this person? Like, if my mobile screen was blank, the first thing I would do was try switching it on.

Another customer rung and complained that we had not provided her with a complete list of all her calls. After checking her account, I advised her that the latest bill only went up to the 15th of the month. Her response was that the calls for the 16th and 17th weren’t listed, and again demanded an explanation. Well I don’t know about you, but if a bill goes up to the 15th of the month, it won’t have any calls after that date until the next statement. Yes? You agree? Or am I too smart?

Or another caller who rung to complain that they hadn’t received the account. I found out from the customer that they had moved addresses and had not notified us of a change of address. Nor had they notified Australia Post [our country’s postal service] to redirect their mail to the new address. Further he refused to pay the bill as we had failed to notify him of his outstanding balance. Now dah! I know technological advances over resent years have been astronomical. But I have yet to see a ‘crystal ball’ that pops up in front of us and says ‘Oi! They moved last week, here’s their new address’.

Or another ‘intelligent customer’ who rung to find out what her call rates were. I advised her it was 37 cents per 30 seconds, to which I got the reply ‘so how much is it per 30 seconds?’ I had to repeat the price several times, and even then I don’t think she actually got it! How hard is it to understand that the cost is 37 cents per 30 seconds!

So I have to come to the following conclusion – either there are way too many stupid people out there, or I am way too intelligent. Maybe it is time for me to have a long long holiday away from the public. Some desolate tropical island in the Pacific sounds good, where the Internet and telephones don’t exist.

Hmm. Not a bad idea. Might look at contacting a travel agent tomorrow. Wonder if they will understand what I will be asking them? On the off chance I end up somewhere in the middle of Africa, I might take a long a courier pigeon so at least I can send in my next article.

James